This weekend is going to be a good sports weekend. Instead of spending it out at bars, or even with friends, I think I’ll spend the entire weekend watching football and basketball games with you. It’s been a while since we have spent some quality time together and I miss it. You and me used to be real close. Now, I feel like I don’t even know you. But even after these short seconds together, I feel the connection coming back. So without further Apu, let’s get the weekend started with my random thoughts and questions.
FRIDAY – Cotton Bowl, Texas Tech vs Ole Miss; Cavs vs Bulls; Sugar Bowl, Utah vs Alabama.
- Now everyone knows why Pat Summerall retired from broadcasting NFL games. He is awful. And by awful I mean a retard deaf mute who is blind and only communicates in a series of clicks could do a better job than him. Let me just give you two examples of why this is true. After Texas Tech’s fourth touchdown, as their kicker came on for the extra point, Summerhall say’s “He’s perfect on the day.” Three extra points perfect. Way to praise him Patty. The second example is even worse. After Graham Harrell was sacked for a safety and the ball went out of the endzone, in what was clearly a safety, Pat says “it could be a safety, could be a touchdown.” If that wasn’t bad enough, the color guy said “it’s a safety” and Pat refused to acknowledge him. Even after the refs signaled a safety, he didn’t say anything. Then they showed the crowd doing the safety sign and the color guy said “they know what it is.” Finally, a good two minutes after it happened, Pat said something like “I guess it was a safety.” Good stuff, Pat.
- Watching the Cavs-Bulls game, I can’t help but feel a great sense of pride. No, not because the Cavs are dominating the Bulls for the third time this year and improving to 17-0 at home. But because Larry Hughes isn’t on the Cavs anymore and he is still the worst player in the NBA playing more than 20 minutes a game.
- Hey, Bama, thanks for making the Sugar Bowl fun. At least Oklahoma lost on crazy, playground, fluke plays. You just got dominated. Maybe Utah deserved to play for the BSC title. Maybe USC did. Maybe Texas did. If five teams can claim that, something needs changed. (Yes, I know nothing will but still.)
SATURDAY – NFL Wild Card Football: Atlanta at Arizona; Indy at San Diego
- Tom Hammond voice is to broadcasting, what a fat, pimple faced, STD laced black women is to stripping. I’d rather stick ice picks with an electric current running through them into my ears than listen to him. Luckily, I’m watching the game on DVR and won’t have to hear him too much. Hammond makes Pat Summerhall look like a Hall of Famer.
- Poor Cris Collinsworth. What do you think NBC had to give him to get him to work with Hammond? He’s allowed to punch Hammond every time he gets annoyed? A promise never to work with him again? A blow job during the entire game?
- After Larry Fitzgerald’s awesome catch on the flee-flicker, they show a man in the stands and put graphic saying his name is Larry Fitzgerald, Sr. with a smaller graphic saying “Larry Fitzgerald’s dad.” If you show someone named Larry Fitzgerald, Sr. do you really need to put “Larry Fitzgerald’s dad” under it?
- YES! Tiki is the sideline reporter!!! Let’s see what worthless info he has for us to start the game: Michael Turner’s grandma died this week. Incredible inside information provided by Tiki says the week has been hard on Turner but he has got a lot of support from friends, family and teammates. Really? I would have never guessed his team and friends would have supported their best player in a time of need. This is just another reason why sideline reporters are about as useful as morse code.
- Sometimes I like those Coors Light commercials, sometimes they get annoying. Who would you like to see in some new ones? Bill Cowher? Or how about John Madden but using only quotes from his video games?
- Do you think Matt Leinart his happier now being a back-up or when he was playing everyday?
- How many times are thing going to talking about Edge being benched this year? Can you believe he is 11th on the all-time rushing list? Sure doesn’t seem like he has been that good or be around that long.
- What’s a bigger fantasy tease: Tim Hightower or a smokin’ hot girl wearing a short skirt, big boots, a shirt that shows off her pierced belly button and tramp stamp who sits next to you at the bar, buys you drinks, talks about how she hasn’t had sex in forever and not wearing any panties now, only to leave you high and dry (literally) when it comes closing time as she takes off with some random guy who bumped into her on your way out of the bar?
- Why is the Arizona offensive coordinator talking on a walkie talkie and a headset?
- Don’ agree with the safety and unsportsmenlike penalty on Arizona. What’s wrong with letting to big, black men do a wild bull ride dance on each other after knocking down a white boy?
- Did Arizona really just give their coach a Gatorade bath? It’s a wild card win… at home. This whole dump-the-water-cooler-on-the-coach needs to be regulated even more so than baseball champagne celebrations.
On to the Colts-Chargers…
- Whatever happened to Marvin Harrison’s gun/murder thing? That was swept more under the rug than Ray Lewis’s killings.
- How many times is Madden going to say “the Chargers don’t want to show their defense until under 10 seconds on the play clock?” It’s the Colts first drive and he’s already said it twice.
- Anthony Gonzalez caught a pass and ran in and out of defenders for a nice gain. Al Michaels said it looked like a video game. Do you think Madden was pissed he didn’t say looks like Madden ‘99?
- If you were a professional athlete, would you buy your uniform and give it to friends and family as a Christmas/birthday gift?
- If you were friends/family with a professional athlete, would you buy them someone else’s jersey? For example, would you buy Phil Rivers a Jay Cutler jersey just to see his reaction?
- 9:58 left in the second quarter and Madden has mentioned the Chargers not showing their defense until under 10 seconds two more times.
- Madden now loves Peyton more than Favre. He has spent the last five minutes talking about his hair and how/why he hasn’t got a haircut. Not surprisingly, Madden dives into the last time Peyton trimmed his pubes, too.
- The Colts offensive coordinator looks like Santa without the beard.
- Doesn’t Phil Rivers just look like someone you would see at a bar or during a pick-up basketball game, or anyone for that matter, and just want to punch in the face for no reason. You can’t really explain it but his face just looks like it needs to be punch. If you met a group of friends out somewhere and one of them brought a guy who looked like Rivers, you would hate the guy before even talking to him and ask your friend why he would bring such a douche bag.
- Got a text from Graig while still watching the game on DVR. I knew right then Sproles did something good to win the game. After he did, I read the text: “I love being right.” I hate that kid so much.
SUNDAY – Baltimore at Miami; Cavs at Wizard; Phily at Minnesota
- Didn’t get a chance to really sit down and watch these games because of helping the grandparents take down their Christmas decorations but was that the Dolphins or the Cleveland Browns?
- How can Pennington win Comeback Player of the Year twice? That can’t be a good thing is it?
- The Cavs got screwed. That’s all their is to it. That wasn’t an offensive foul and no way can you call travel on the last play of the game. Just awful. How come Washington always plays the Cavs tough? Can’t Gilbert come back soon so they can suck even more. That’s a $100 million well spent.
- Fox has two sideline reporters for the Phily-Minnesota game and Joe Buck is “thrilled” about it. Let’s see what they can add to the broadcast. Pam Oliver has the breaking news that the Eagles want to get Westbrook the ball more either through runs or screens and Chris Myers says A.Peterson had a “The Program” moment this week as he carried a football with him to all team meetings to concentrate on his fumble problems. Anyone want to guess that wasn’t the only “The Program” moment as I’m sure someone raped a girl, shoot up steroids and laid down in the middle of the road.
- How long as Fox had that stupid robot graphic when they show the sponsors? I’m pretty sure since 1999 if not sooner. I’d say it’s time to upgrade.
So there you have it dairy. Wasn’t that fun. I’m sorry I gave up early on the Eagles-Vikings game but the GF was calling and since I had seen her all weekend, I didn’t want her to get suspicious about who I was spending my time with. But this was nice. I think we should do it again, sooner rather than later.