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Archive for January, 2009

From Deep in The Q

I GOT A SNOW DAY TODAY!!!!

How cool is that? Well, not really that cool. School being canceled means I don’t have to go to work, which means I’m bored all day at home with nothing to do besides school work. On top of that, I have to make up the hours I’m missing at work today before the end of the week. Damn. I remember when snow days were fun.

But I guess this gives me time to write a J Beanie post. I was going to talk about the Super Bowl and all that stuff but, no. Last night’s Cavs game gave me a great topic to talk about today.

Mo Williams was amazing. LeBron James was incredible. But they weren’t the best part of the game. They came in second and third in the top three performances of the night. Austin Carr had one of the best, most incredible announcing performances of the year, or even all time.

In the second quarter, Mo Williams made two three’s with in a few minutes of each other. AC’s calls for both those three’s were unbelievably classic. My description of the calls will not do them justice but I’ll do my best.

LeBron drove, passed it to Mo in the corner and drilled the three. Fred McCoud said something like, “Batman finds Robin this time.” Pretty lame but we all got what he was saying. Then Mr. DiGiorno Pizza says this “Batman to Robin in the corner… and it’s gooooooood from deep in The Q.”  Now, just reading that, it doesn’t seem too bad. However, AC started in his normal voice, then when he got to the “it’s goood” part, he started singing in a high pitched, gay man’s voice. Why? Who the hell knows. Probably the same reason he still has a job. My brother and I replayed this line at least six times. It kept getting funnier and funnier. We couldn’t even get to the end of it without laughing.

As good as that line was, AC was far from done. Less than two minutes later, Mo hit another three. AC went back to work. “Williams from… da… deep in The Q.” You could tell he was looking  so hard for something to say other than “deep in The Q” but couldn’t think of anything so he just went with it. But he wasn’t done. He followed it up with “Enie, meanie, minie Mooooooo Williams” in his singing voice again.

Later in the game, Tarence Kinsey hit a three and AC just gave up trying to find a new “catch phrase.” He just unleashed “Tarence Kinsey from deep in The Q.”

So everyone, I think we can look forward to many more “deep in The Q” lines for a long time. Long live Austin Carr.

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Media Day

It’s media day at the Super Bowl. I don’t know why I don’t apply for a credential and make my way down to the second biggest football game in February (behind the Pro Bowl of course). Next year, Graig, I think we should combine forces and tag team Media day like it was Jenna Jamerson in her prime. Ethel Tower, DP, facials, everything. They wouldn’t know what hit them. But since we’ll have to wait for that, here’s what I would have asked if I went this year.

To Kurt Warner: Do you ever regret marrying a women who looks like she is a man? Don’t you wish you would have waited to get married until after made it as something other than a grocery store bagger?

To Tim Hightower: I hate you. Thanks for making me and thousands of other people buy into you during the fantasy season only to have you totally suck whenever you were in the line-up and do 2006 Tomlinson work when you weren’t. You suck. Oh, that wasn’t a question. Sorry. Why do you suck?

To Edgerian James: How dumb is your coach for playing the fantasy tease over you? Do you ever just laugh in their faces? Or punch them?

To Santonio Holmes: How many guns did you bring to Tampa? Did Mike Tomlin nickname you “Sniper” because you like to shoot people?

To Mike Tomlin: How many foreign reporters have called you Jermore Bettis?

To Hines Ward: Are you always smiling because you like when a bunch of guys jump on you?

To Sean Worey: I know no one else is asking you any thing Sean, so tell me what’s it like to be named to the Pro Bowl based on your 22 special team tackles? Is that really Pro Bowl worthy? Is being named a Pro Bowl Special teamer really that special? Or is it special in the sense how a mother calls her children special?

To Anquan Boldin: If Media Organizers took you out of Media Day for the last 15 minutes, would you go off like you did in the NFC Championship game for not playing the final 15 minutes?

To Larry Fitzgerald: Can you touch me so I feel how magical your hands really are? Or better yet, can you teach Braylon how to catch a ball?

To Matt Leinart: How many girls have you hooked up with today? Can I see the pictures?

To Adrian Wilson: Did you know you looked pretty gay crying last week?

To Charlie Batch: What’s been like to coach someone like Ben Roethlisberger? Oh, really? You are still a player? I thought it was weird someone hired you as a quarterback coach but now it’s even weirder someone would have a roster spot for you.

To Any And All: Let’s be honest, are you more excited about the game or all the strippers/whores in town?

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It’s me Beanie, remember me?

Hey gang. Long time no talk but I hope you’re still checking every now and then. I apologize for not putting up post regularly but life is much different now. It’s not that I’m that busy, it’s just that I’m not sitting in front of my computer, trying to waste time at work. Now I work 4 hours a day but not by a computer and then when I have time to get on the Internet, it’s on my time and I just don’t have the energy or drive to waste my time. It’s much different when the time I’m trying to waste, I’m getting paid for compared to  time I could be doing nothing instead. But I’m going to make a bigger effort to post at least three times a week.

Last week, I said the Cavs would go 3-1 on their west coast trip. Guess who went 3-1? Yep the Cavs and this may be the start of a “Beanie predicts everything right” run that will be unprecedented. In that run, we saw that any guy on the bench can step up when called upon, yep, I’m looking at you Tarence Kinsey, LeBron finally hit a game-winner buzzer beater, even though I still wish he’d take that to the hoop instead of pull up, Sasha is going to command a lot of minutes when West comes back (However, I think those minutes will be short lived. Sasha is kind of the guy who plays well when he knows he’s going to play but when he has to compete for minutes, he only does mediocre work. He could be just one of those guys who is more productive the longer he plays but he is going to have to find a way to be just as affective in 10 minutes a game as he has been in 25.) Z is very important to this team when they play big teams Mo Williams better be and All-Star (although its going to be hard to get picked above Devin Harris and Rando but the best team in the East should have more than one guy on the team.) and LeBron is no questioned the MVP of the league.

In Browns news, they finally hired a GM in George Kokinis. Supposedly, he was Magini’s top choice so I’m okay with it. The Browns coach and GM didnt’ get along for a few years and it’s important they do, they work with each other on decisions but know and respect, who has the final say. The Indians and Cavs both have good relationships between their GM and coach and they have been successful (in Cleveland terms, for the most part the last few years.) One thing does both me about this administration, though. Magini comes from the Belichick coaching tree and Kokinis comes from the Ravens where he was a scout and player personnel assistant. Sound familiar?

Magini did something that kind of pissed me off. Supposedly he had Browns headquarters repainted including painting over a mural of all the Browns Hall of Famers. Why would he do this? It doesn’t make sense. I can see him wanting to change things and give the place a different feel and a fresh start, but those HOFers are what makes the Browns so great. It’s not because of anyone who played on the Browns since 1999. It’s the guys from the 50s, 60s, 70s, and 80s. No reason to paint over history.

I’m curious to what Graig thinks about A-fraud. Torre’s new book supposedly rips the Yankees. Surprise, surprise. Graig, do you really care? Do Yankee fans care? Because I’m pretty sure no one else does even though it is pretty funny that A-Rod became obsessed with Jeter. But who didn’t see this book coming? I think anyone who leaves the Yankees, or Lakers, or Celtics or any historically great team, can write this book.

Anyone else glued to their TV to watch the Winter X games? Why do they do this every year? Can’t this horrible event be done like the Olympics every four years? Or better yet, every 25 years?

The Mountain West is looking to gain an automatic BCS bowl birth. Good luck. There’s a better chance of the Big Ten winning a BCS game against an SEC school than this happening. I’m all for the BCS eliminating automatic bids and just handing them out to the best teams in the country but we know that’s nto happening either. Utah, BYU and TCU were better than the top three teams in the Big Ten, Big East and ACC. It makes so much sense to give the Mountain West a bid that it would never happen.

(The guy next to me here at Akron’s Student Union has been reading something out loud from his computer and three times now has said “Man, I got to memorize that?!” I don’t know if he is looking for someone to talk to or just a retard but he’s about two words away from getting punched in the face. I hate college students.)

It’s Super Bowl week so of course there is all kinds of hoopla going on in Tampa. What team will have the first player arrested? And no, Jonathon Dekker doesn’t count.) I’m putting my money on the Cardinals.

Enjoy it and hopefully I’ll be back tomorrow.

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Some things to think about

> Nick Markakis just signed a 6-year, $66 million deal. I’m not even going to tell you who Nick Markakis is. I would be that maybe one of you know who he is, what sport he plays and who he plays for. And yet he gets a $66 million deal? That’d be like me signing a $100,000 contract to keep this site on life support. Or W geting seven figures for hand jobs. Sure, we are decent at what we do but no way do we deserve that kind of money.

> Anyone else sick of cornerbacks celebrating every incomplete pass like they just saved the world? I mean if you make a nice play, sure, showboat all you want. I’m all for that. Show up the wide receiver and the quarterback. That’s good stuff. However, if the pass is eight feet over the receiver’s head and uncatchable even by Larry Fitzgerald or the wide receiver goes all Braylon Edwards and simply drops the ball, just jog back to the huddle and play the next play. We don’t need you to single the ball is incomplete from a crouching position and pounding your chest. You had nothing to do with the incompletion. It be like going over to your friend after he was just reject at the bar and saying “Yeah, she said no because she saw me coming over.” Not true. The truth is you had nothing to do with the rejection (since you’ll soon be getting your own) and the corner had nothing to do with the incompletion. It had more to do with your friend and the WR sucking than the corner or you being good.

> Former Cleveland Indian second baseman Jeff Kent is going to retire from baseball. Anyone care? More people would care if I told them what kind of toothpaste I used than will care that Jeff Kent is retiring. I thought he retired two years ago.

> Who the hell designed Vanderbilt’s basketball court? Benches at the baselines? Fifty some feet from one sideline to the stands? What kind of shit is that? No way does anyone like playing there or watching a game there. Just awful.

> I don’t watch the show but Lost has to be stupider than Prison Break now right? I mean, why would they go back to the island? What this says is the writers never thought the show would last this long and have no idea what to do now and never should have let them get off the island in the first place. This is like everyone in Prison Break going back to prison. Oh wait. They did that once too.

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Random thoughts today

The Arizona Cardinals are going to the Super Bowl. The Arizona Cardinals are going to the Super Bowl. What the hell? I thought I’d see two NFLer’s make out on the field after a touchdown before I’d see the Cardinals in the Super Bowl. The Arizona Cardinals are in the Super Bowl. And the Cleveland Browns can’t field a team that  can tackle Steven Hawken. This isn’t fair. Why do the Cardinals, who needed an extension to sell out their first playoff game, get to go to the Super Bowl and us Browns fans are left wondering if we even want to spend money on the team next year and The Chocolate Dumpling is going to give Mangini the key to the secret room of deep friers and cheeseburgers in the Browns locker room.

But now we all are going to root for the Cardinals. They are the Browns of Browns fans fantasies. And they are playing the Steelers. Damn, hell, poop, Steelers. If  I could do one action against any NFLer, I’d cut off Troy Polumalu’s hair and choke Hines Ward with it. That would take care of both of their biggest douches. Damn, I hate them.

(I’m writing this at home while watching SportsCenter and my God, I knew I hated Chris Berman but, whooop!, I didn’t think I hated, whoop! this much, whoop!)

Watching the press conferences, did you see Kurt Warner had the a Bible with him? I’m not going to rip a man for his faith but, come on. A Bible at the press conference after the game you just won to go to the Super Bowl?

Also thought it was funny that Donovan McNabb said getting this close and not making it hurts. Shouldn’t he be used to that?

Has there ever been a worst beard than that of Andy Reid’s? I don’t even know if can be called a beard. I’ve seen women at Geauga Lake with better facial hair.

Reading the bottomline on ESPN, it says Al Davis is considering Raiders’ linebackers coach as head coach of Raiders. Also in the running is Vince Lombardi, John Madden, Al Davis Jr., Al Davis, the devil and a goat.

Cavs-Lakers tonight. Preview of the Finals? Big west coast trip for a banged up Cavs team but I say they going 3-1, if not 4-0.

More changes coming to J Beanie. As we know, I’m a full time college student again (may be the only full time student who didnt’ drink this weekend) but I picked up a part-time job/graduate assistantship that will take me away from a computer most of the day. Because of this, I’m not sure how often, and what time of the day, I’ll be able to post. I should have some free time in the afternoon before classes so look for short, sweet, random, grammatically incorrect posts as thoughts pop in my head in the later after noon hours. I don’t know how regularly it will be but I can assure you this: much like I did with my job, I will put J Beanie ahead of any class work I should do. That’s a Beanie Guarantee.

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LBJ is not MJ; NFL championship games

Before we get to the NFL conference championship games, let’s address the Cavs-Bulls game last night and a few things that bothered me.

Let’s hope Delonte West isn’t going to be out for a long time. He’s not the best point guard/two-guard in the league but he fits in so well with this team that it hurts when he hurts. It sucks to see someone get hurt when trying to make a great hustle play.

The Cavs got screwed on some calls by the refs but it’s not the reason the lost. Sure, it doesn’t help when they don’t call a goal-tending, call an obvious charge a block, call LeBron for stuff he hasn’t been called for all year and just basically Tim Donoughy it the whole second half, but the Cavs still should have won the game.

But they didn’t because LeBron James is not Michael Jordan, but he doesn’t realize it. Show of hands, how many people were pissed when you saw LeBron wave off a screen with 9 seconds to play, wait until there was 4 seconds on the clock and then make a move, knowing that it was going to be a pull up jumper from 20 feet? I was. That’s Jordan’s game, not your’s LBJ. You drive to the hoop because no one can stop a 6’8″ 275 pound monster when he is determined to get to the hoop. It’s how you’ve won games in the past. I don’t know if you’ve ever hit a jumper to win a game. That’s not your game. Not your strong suit. Go to the hoop. And until LeBron learns that and does it consistantly with the game on the line, he isn’t going to be considered the most clutch player in the NBA.

On top of that, LeBron wasn’t on his game either last night. He shouldn’t have settled for jumper when he struggled so much from the floor and Mo Williams was on. There was a point, late in the third quarter or early in the fourth, shortly after Mo knocked down two three’s in a row, that LBJ turned the ball over on three straight possessions by trying to force something that wasn’t there. I like when he wants to take over games but he has to know when he has it and when he’s teammates have it; something he is usually pretty good at.

I’m being a little hard on our King, but we praise him so much when he’s great (most of the time) that he deserves some criticism when he isn’t. Maybe we expect too much from him all the time that we are spoiled but he’s the best player in the NBA and he needs to be every night. Tonight’s game scared me before yesterday’s loss. I thought the back-t0-back against a good team like New Orleans could equal the first loss at home for the Cavs. But not anymore. LBJ won’t let that happen. He’ll play better, maybe the best he has all year, and Cleveland will hand the Hornets.

In the NFL, the game I hope ends in certian death for both teams, Steelers verse Ravens, I don’t know who I think will win or who I want to win. I think I hate Baltimore a little less but it’s like saying I hate getting the clap less than getting herpies. They both suck, they both piss you off, you’re better off if they both just go away. I’ll pick Baltimore. The sixth seed seems to do pretty well in the playoffs anymore so I’ll take them.

In the NFC, Phily and Zona. Strange match-up. Whoever wins, I hope they win it all. I’m going to take the Cardinals for the simple fact they have been playing so well on defense and Larry Fitzgerld is the LeBron James (not last night’s LeBron but most night’s LeBron) of the NFL. He is on a tear and he will catch anything. As long as the Card’s offensive line gives Warner time to throw (which is a big assignment) they win. How great will it be for Warner to win another Super Bowl? I haven’t always been the biggest fan of his, but wouldn’t another title make him a Hall of Famer? Ugly wife that only G$ and Damman would have sex with aside, wouldn’t that be a great story? The guy came from no where to lead one of the best offenses in NFL history for a multi-year stretch and a Super Bowl title, fell off the face of the earth, almost retired several times, cast away by three team only to rise from the dead and lead one of those teams to a Super Bowl title. I see a major motion picture in the works for that story. Or at least a made for televesion movie on the Christian channel.

So there you have it, one crappy Super Bowl between the Ravens and the Cardinals. Thank goodness March Madness is less than two months away.

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AUSTIN CARR DAY!!!

Graig was the lucky winner of the Beanie Bowl Fun contest and therefore got to run the site for the day. While I thought he would take the time to rip Browns and Indians fans, be a douche or make fun of my grammar/spelling errors, I was wrong. He went the high route and come up with a great day for J Beanie; maybe one of the best days in the history of this historic site. It’s Austin Carr day. Here is G$’s reasoning why he wanted to do this for his entry: “Mr. Cavalier has been incredible this season and you owe him a tribute post.  It was either this or Bruce Drennan Day.  I made a wise choice. ” I would second that. Enjoy (and noticed how scared that lady AC is talking too looks.)

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-THROWIN’ THE HAM-MA DOWN!fsnohio

NBA Finals Cavaliers Pride Basketball

THE L-TRAIN!!!

austin-carr2austin-carr-nd-galaac_carr_061219_100

0007192103439_lg3DIGIORNIO PIZZA!!!! GET THAT OTHER WEAK STUFF OUT OF HERE!!!

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