Archive for September, 2008

Hitting the trio

All three Cleveland teams have made a little bit of news this morning and since this site was started as a Cleveland sports blog, lets discuss each team.


Phil Savage is as big of idiot as The Chocolate Dumpling. Yesterday, the Browns GM denied the team was considering putting Brady Quinn in the game, even though The Chocolate Dumpling already said he was thinking about. Savage said “you don’t go blowing things up after a couple games. You’re not going to be successful in this league doing that.” Hmmm, really, Phil? Do you remember last year when you were the first GM in the history of the NFL to trade an opening day starting quarterback the day after the game? 

Savage continued saying The Chocolate Dumpling has his support but still questions some of his moves. He said, “Some of the criticism he’s brought on himself, there’s no doubt about that.” What criticism was he referring to? “The field goal tries in the first couple of games, the clock situation before the half against Pittsburgh.” At least he didn’t bring up anything from the Cincy game. But my question is, how can a GM give the coach all his support and yet still call him out? An embarrassing loss on MNF to the NYG and look for The Chocolate Dumpling to end up like his deep fried Twinkie tacos, chewed up, shat out and in the toilet.


Basketball season is here. The Cavs opened training camp yesterday but that isn’t why basketball season is here. I got my registration sheet for Team River City. I think we got something special going on this year. Almost as special as the Cavs. Both TRC and the Cavs went under a roster change last year. Like TRC, the Cavs have a year (slightly less) of playing together. The Cavs made a nice off season pick up, something TRC may have to do. These thing could only mean one thing for both teams, Championship. 

The Cavs have their best team in the six years of LeBron James’s reign. (Can you believe he has been in the NBA for six year? Sure doesn’t seem that long.) And that’s not just me saying it, that’s what LBJ said: “This is the best team we’ve had since I’ve been here, especially to start off the season. They did a great job of going out and getting players that  could help win a championship. There’s really no excuse now. We have guys that can go out and dominate a game.”

LeBron is aware the only new guy on the team (that will get significant minutes) is Mo Williams, right? I’m not doubting our kings words but he has said the same thing every year. You could say he is just being “politically correct” and my favorite sports phase “saying all the right things,” but I think he is right. This is the year. It has to be. And it will be. Like TRC, the Cavs will be raising a championship trophy. (TRC will be wearing our championship t-shirts.)


In the latest, GM’s are the slowest to pick up on the obvious, Mark Shapiro is finally going to move Jhonny Peralta to third, maybe. Shapiro says he is going to bring in another infielder, either a second or third baseman. Just make it a second baseman, move JP to third and get the obvious over with.  


FYI – Yes, W is now the most hated and gayest commenter on the site, passing up Graig and Seal for the honor of both. Any future Desperate Housewives talk will be deleted and result in a one day suspension from commenting.


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Beanie’s back, Browns win, it doesn’t get better, does it?

Guess who’s back? That’s right, Beanie is back at the helm and just in time to right the ship that was sinking faster than the New York Mets in September. (Oh, the “thank goodness Beanie isn’t here today” jokes were still funny the 853rd time it was used. Way to be creative people.)

Also getting old is this “You suck more. No you suck more” crap with Ohio State and Michigan. From now on, no more comments about either one of the schools if there is nothing about either in the post. Annoying habits of both fans will result in comments being deleted. And using the school names in the sentence does not count as reason to talk about them. However, this one does. New commenter I hate you all, was right on with his Michigan will win today comment on Saturday morning. That was as good as a prediction as Beanie saying the Indians would finish .500. 

Italy was amazing. I won’t bore you with the details but it was simply amazing — the food, the drinks, the history, the towns, the people (especially the smoking at 18 year old I sat next to on the plan ride home who could barely speak English), and the food (again). If you want to see pictures, I have 396 of them but I figured I’d only post them on request. Now it’s the worst part of returning from any trip, especially one from somewhere sweet like Italy. I have to answer “how was your trip?” 49 times and mostly to people who I really don’t care to talk to.

It sucks to be back. Not so much sucks being in America, but it sucks being here at work. Not working and just eating and drinking was the way to live. 

I really followed nothing in the line of sports while in the homeland. That was one thing I missed and because of it, I have very little to say about what I missed because I don’t know what I missed. Yesterday it was nice to sit around and watch football. However, the football I watched was only a slightly higher quality than what I watch on Friday nights. The Browns and Bengals looked like a bunch of drunk bar guys who decided to get together for a pick-up tackle football game. The second game, the Dallas Washington game was a good game except for Dallas not giving the ball to Felix Jones one time. Really? The dude had a touchdown every game and you don’t let him even touch the ball?

Some notes on the Browns game…

Cleveland won but does anyone feel good about the win? It might go down as the worst ‘W’ of all time.

At least we know the formula for the Browns winning a game is – play a winless team who is using their back-up quarterback who has four  career starts and played his college ball in the Ivy League.

So last year you had 15 touchdowns. This season you are expected to be even better. You are a showy guy who likes attention. Touchdown celebrations is your time to show off. You have all offseason to think about, and practice your celebration for your first TD of the year. You don’t score in the first three games so the anticipation is building in your body for the time to break out your long awaited touchdown celebration. You finally score in the fourth game of the year. You make the catch, spike the ball and what do you do next?

Play the air guitar? And not just a normal air guitar but and rock out, drop to your knee wave your arm around air guitar. Really Braylon? That’s what you did. The air guitar? You should be more ashamed of that than you are of the 76 dropped passes and yelling at Steve Sanders (no not of 90210 fame, although he would be just as good on this team, if not better) about pass routes.

How come Romeo doesn’t understand how time works? At the end of the first half, you have two time-outs left. The Bengals are obviously settling for a field goal and ran the ball with some 40 seconds left on third down. Instead of calling a time out with more than 40 seconds on the clock, you let Cincy run the clock down to 15 seconds (or whatever it was) and give them a 6-3 lead at halftime. Call the timeout, get the ball back with 30 seconds and a time out and you got a chance to tie the game. A good return by Cribbs makes that a very realistic possibility. Another example (this one isn’t as bad since in the long run it didn’t matter) after the fumble recovery in the fourth quarter with 2:04 to play, why not take a shot at the endzone. Obviously running the clock down and kicking a field goal all but assures the win, but the clock is going to stop after the first play because of the two-minute warning so why not take a shot? You got to go for the throat and the “kick ‘em while their down” approach. Not the “I can’t wait until this game is over so I can get a Donato’s pizza with double cheeseburgers as the topping” approach.

The situation is 4th-and-five from the 38-yard line (may not be 100% the situation but very close). Do you a) kick a long field, b) go for it since, c) punt it and get only 18 net yards because the kick is going to more than likely be a touchback, or d) take a time-out and think about it? If you are the Chocolate Dumpling, you go with e) none of the above, take a delay of game penalty, then punt it for a touchback. Good call.

It doesn’t appear the Browns are going to be going to the playoffs this year. Your team looked horrible in the first half (and even worse in the third quarter). Your quarterback was awful and fighting with teammates. Your back-up QB is a dreamboat of a first-round draft pick who looked so good with the wind blowing through his hair on the sideline. The perfect situation to bring in the back-up to start the second half and give this team some new life. But no, the Chocolate Dumpling (looking to the left like he sees someone eating his bucket fried chicken) isn’t that smart. The Browns had no business winning this game but, since the Bengals had even less, someone had to win. I think it should only count as a 1/2 win.

So welcome back to me. I know you missed me all so much.

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Its Friday = Quality Football Predictions

First off I would like to apologize for not posting yesterday. Although I know having nothing to read is usually better than reading what Beanie has to say, I know you have come to expect a certain level of greatness from me and especially J after his award winning women of the sports casting world piece.  I do have one thing to say about that. How does Linda Cohn get no love? Doesn’t pioneerism mean anything to you guys. Personally, I find it quite sexy plus the fact she is probably the only one who not has been with 1500 football players and she is the only one I probably have a realistic chance with. My vote goes for Ms. Cohn.

Some Cleveland news before  I get to my picks and some more sites to increase your world knowledge. The browns were accused of deliberately poking Willis Mcgahee in the eye. Boy do I wish Andra Davis would have poke my eyes out so I didn’t have to watch that mess of a football game. It was kind of like in elementary school when the kid with a stutter was forced to read and the only thing I could think of was please God let me go deaf, or better yet let him go mute. The NFL says Browns (Davis) were not doing in intentionally. I have to question that ruling since McGahee  wears the visor guard the only way to poke his eyes is to reach through the mouth part of the facemask and stick your fingers all the way to the opponenets eyes. Poor Brownies they can’t even get props for playing dirty. At least, we could have always been able to say, “Don’t think of scoring again or else we will poke you in the eyes.” That threat alone could have saved us 10-14 points a game.

In LeBron news, Dan Gilbert has publicly said that the talk of James going to NY in two years is an insult to the city of Cleveland. I don’t think its an insult I just think its a rumor that says people think Cleveland is a shit hole and no one in their right mind would think they could be successful here, seems right on to me. I can think of more things that insult this fine city then LeBron rumors: 1) Romeo Crennel 2) Cavs’ offense 3) Browns’ offense 4) Browns’ defense 5) Romeo Crennel

On to my picks:


OREGON STATE over usc – this was supposed to be posted yesterday and by no means did I change my pick form what I had yesterday. Beavers all the way. So much for all that talk of USC being so dominant. But tell me OSU fans what does this say about your team? You lost to a team by 32 points who lost to the Oregon State Beavers who might not win another game all year. And by the way also lost to Penn State by about 50 points. Looking forward to that game against the Nittany Lions. What is a nittany lion? In reference to W’s comment from last night since he has no life and was on JBeanie last night at midnight.  Yes you are right the better team lost last night. I am a man and will admit when something proves me wrong. But i stil say I am right about my better team always wins 99.9% of the time. It was obvious that USC thought they could just show up and win and once OSU scored and had the momentum there was nothing they could do to stop it.  As I said this just shows how bad the buckeyes really are.

OKLAHOMA over tcu – lets see, TCU is now ranked and if every other year in football history as taught me anything its that the horned frogs lose regardless of who they are playing.

GEORGIA over alabama – honestly i don’t like either team and they both are always overrated but Saban is a douche. Although not because he left for more money. I mean who in their right mind would stay at Miami when they are being offered 5 million to go back to college. Would anyone turn down that kind of money?? Hmm…I think I will stay at this dead end go nowhere job just because  I said I would so you can just give those millions of dollars to someone else, you fine company that no one in their right mind would turn down. Right.

WISCONSIN over michigan – being an amazin blue fan, i am not blinded by the fact that we suck (unlike suckeye fans) and i do not see this turning out well for them at all. Last time  I checked Wisconsin was favored by 6.5 points. I am definitely giving the points in this game. I honestly do not see UM winning many games this year. I have always said I do not care if Michigan doesn’t win a single game as long as they beat Ohio State. This might be the year my statement comes as close to true as possible. I’d still rather have a couple wins under our belt.

PENN STATE over illinois – Penn State is good. All they needed was Morelli to never have enrolled or get hurt about 4 years ago.

OHIO STATE over minnesota – takes the Big Ten victories while you can because you have losses coming to illinois, penn state and wisconsin.


VIKINGS over titans – Gus Freotte versus Kerry Collins version 2008. enough said

BRONCOS over chiefs – i know Jay Cutler has been really really good this year and I wish I drafted him instead of Hasselbeck but I can’t take him seriously because of how he looks.

Jay Cutler

SAINTS over 49ers – JT OSullivan is in the top five for passer ratings. anyone see that coming? Bush is still healthy which is amazing. Brees throws all over this secondary.

JETS over cardinals – I hate Brett Favre. There I said it. I know my brother has a man crush on him but he is the most selfish person in the NFL not to mention the biggest crybaby.  He retires realizes everyone stopped talking about him so he wants to come back (maybe having to be with his family al lthe time was a reason as well) then he cries because he won’t start just because he is brett favre, and then he cries becuase he can’t go to the vikings. i hate brett favre. I can just picture him not wanting to leave the GB office while the security escorts him away, like when the children services guy took the kid away from Adam Sandler in Big Daddy. I can see Favre saying “But I wipe my own ass. I WIPE MY OWN ASS!!” With Mike McCarthy looking sadly at the man Brett used to be and saying “I know you do Brett. I know you do.” Also, do you think when he is playing football in his wranglers with all his buddies in the backyard that he really wears a T-shirt with the number 4 on it?  I say he does.

BUCS over packers – Brian Griese = Michigan = Last National Championship = Victory.

PANTHERS over falcons – I don’t know. But I hear Vick is benching 305 pounds in prison and is throwing the ball rather well.  When picking teams for football games in prison, think Vick is even allowed to play since I am sure all the pitbull loving drug dealers don’t think of him too kindly or do they let him be all-time quarterback. I don’t think it would be fair to let him just be in the pool of guys waiting to be picked. Umm….with the first choice I can either choose Bubba or Vick, Vick was a NFL QB but on the other hand Bubba might rape me, tough choice.  I am just waiting for a real life The Longest Yard moment.

TEXANS over jaguars- Who cares? Well maybe others do but I dont. I just need Andre Johson to step up his game.

BROWNS over bengals – Why is everyone saying this game is going to be a shootout like last year? Has anyone watched these two offenses this year? Or remember how they looked in their second meeting?  Browns and the Bengals just like the good old days – we both suck.

CHARGERS over raiders – If I was a stud player in college I would definitely do something to make me slip in the draft like get arrested or act out or get out of shape or fake an injury just so I can slip past the top 5 where the raiders are usually at and not have my pro career end before it starts, this way i might get drafted by the patriots or the colts and can look forward to a decent if not excellent career while always competing for a championship. Crap! You’re telling me that the Raiders love t odraft guys with bad sportsmanship and criminal records? Welp now I dont know what to do.

BILLS over rams – I think  i could get 10 other guys and score 25 on the Rams.

COWBOYS over redskins – Graig deal with it your team is the worst team in your division although I will give you the fact that you would be the best team in the AFC north.

EAGLES over bears – I just can’t give a team with Orton any credit even though I love Matt Forte.

RAVENS over steelers – I needed another game with an upset and this is as good as any. How many times throughout the course of the year do you think John Harbaugh will be called Jim? Over/under 76.5

There are my picks, use your money wisely.


Think this guy watched Rocketeer once too many times.  http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/europe/09/26/rocket.man.english.channel.ap/index.html

Mother of the Year. (at least a close second to Caylee’s mom) http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/09/25/gang.mom.trial.ap/index.html

For Seal. A plethera of dumb criminals. http://blog.trutv.com/dumb_as_a_blog/dumb_criminals/index.html?cnn=yes

Is this even magic? http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/09/25/david.blaine.stunt.ends.ap/index.html

Impressive. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWLWhU4KuKQ&feature=related

Keep your eye on the little kid running down the sideline at the beginning. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NEvp__hkyng&feature=related

Funny funny stuff. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQlgA68z_L4&feature=related

Haha every one saw this coming but him.                               http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WHRxXY67UA&feature=related

I wonder if he made the team for his skills?                             http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVCDRA6pF7M&feature=related

Alright thats enough. I could find fun clips to go on forever. Have a good weekend BEanie will be back on Monday to share all the new recipes he has learned.

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Happy Humpday

Its Wednesday, Humpday. Some people think this is a reference to making it through to the middle of the work week as getting “over the hump.” I think not. Humpday is clearly the day in the week most people hump at work. Dont know bout you gays but when I think of of the word hump I think of broads, that’s code word for women W. That’s right crazy hot broads. And since this is a sports blog I’m gonna talk about some of my favorite slits (WOMEN, W!) in sports. But not the athletes, no, thats too easy. Today I’m doing the hot sportscasters/sideline reporters(Tehe! Get it? I’m doing them). Ok lets rock!

NOT HOT AT ALL – Linda Cohn

Ok, bad start. She’s not hot at all and kinda looks like if my grandma’s skeleton got a Mystic Tan but still a classic for my generation. At least ESPN was trying to put chics on SportsCenter.


So I watch SportsCenter religiously and I feel like I’ve seen her 1,000 times but it wasn’t until the Brett Farve saga when I realized “Whoa! Wendi Nix is sexy.” Just wish I could find a better pic.


I’ve always had a lil thang for this lil munckin right here. Always a pro. And after the way she handled that whole Joe Namath thing she seems like the type of girl that’d say “No” when she really means “Yes” and that’s totally hot.

PORNO HOT – Jillian Barberie

This sexpot doesn’t really do sports I guess(maybe she used to) just the weather on FOX’s Sunday morning thing where they talk about football. I call her porno hot because she looks like a typical porn star AND an actual porn star – Janine:

Pretty close right?

PICANTE HOT – Adriana Monsalve

You might recognize this chica as the loco sexy broad that does the ESPN DEPORTES blips on SportsCenter. At least I think that’s her.

FIRECROTCH HOT – Rachelle Nichols

She’s got a firecrotch.

PERFECT HOT – Erin Andrews

C’MON! Way too hot for sports. She should be in movies or my wife of something. Hot, sexy, got that girl next door look goin also. Plus she went to Florida so she probably has a little party girl in her. Perfect.

Well I’m sure I missed a few of your guys favorites. Anybody wanna add to the list?

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A Beanie-less Day = A Wonderful Day

Unbelievable. I had this whole blog ready to go when my damn work computer freezes and now I have to retype everything. Not a happy camper. Anyways, here we go again. Now I am not a writer nor do I pretend to play one on TV so bare with me and I hope I can entertain you for a couple minutes. It can’t be any worse than what is usually on here.

Beanie is in Italy now with our parents visiting our sister who is overseas for a study abroad program. I do not feel that I am missing out at all since they are there to attend a cooking school where they will learn things such as the difference between basil and parsley. Does anyone know? Whats that? No one cares? Me either but Beanie loves it. Cough Homo cough cough. Second reason I don’t care to go there is anything historical I can see in a book and I’m not a fan of the smelly stuck up Europeans. I think they act that way because they know Americans are dominate in all aspects of government and life. I mean have we given any reasons to think otherwise? Oh we have? I dont believe it.  I mean what other country would allow a black man to be nominated for the President of the United States. Only in America. What? A number of other countries have black men, even women, as leaders. No F-ing way. I will believe when I see it. I don’t know why people think Americans are ignorant just because we ignore whats wrong in our country and still think we are the best. Thats just good old fashion patriotism. U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

So I want to continue on what J had to say yesterday about the Indians. Yes I give them credit for playing tough all year even though they were out of it in May and Cliff Lee made every fifth game a must see (including tonight against the BoSox) By the way Cliff’s wife is absolutely gorgeous and his kid has a sweet mohawk. I have no blog or any followers to have any backing to this claim but I predicted the Indians would not make the playoffs this season. And I will explain to you why. We have all seen a pattern with this team; 2005=good, 2006=bad, 2007=great, 2008=bad. The reason for this pattern is having expectations and not handling pressure. In 2005, everyone said this team is a year away from contending and what do they do?  They need to win one game against KC to clinch a wild card and get swept (pressure? choke? yes, pattern starts right there). In 2006, everyone said look how good they played at the end of last year, they will definitely make the playoffs. What do they do? They finish about 20 games out of first place. In 2007, everyone says well who knows what they will do this year, they sucked last year. What happens? They come within a game of reaching the World Series. Down 3-1 they realized they were expected to get to the WS and then lose 3 straight. In 2008, they were so good last year they are a sure in to make the World Series. And we all know what happened this year.  These guys choke under pressure, its a given. They handle pressure about as well as the girl who is being chased by a deranged psycho killer and chooses to run upstairs rather than outside. I blame wedge.

Romeo is becoming an embarassment. His conferences are a joke and he looks confused at all times. I can’t wait for Romeo to be in those Coors Light commercials that will have him just stare blankly at the beer guys while not knowing how to answer their questions except with a “we have to look at the tape” or “not sure” comment. I am afraid the Browns have turned into the Tribe when dealing with pressure and expectations. Thank goodness LeBron will not let that happen with the Cavs.

I also wanted to write about Tim Donaghy going to prison today but I’m pissed after writing about the Indians and I realize no one cares about him anymore.  Al lI know is he must have done something or said something good to get his 25 years turned into a 15 month stay at a minimum security prison.

Now time to follow some news in the world. I need to keep you guys well rounded unlike the Beanie:

-I dominated Seal in our fantasy matchup. 103-83.something, better luck next time.

-Poor Idaho fans they lose the only thing that probably kept them coming to games. http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/football/ncaa/09/23/idaho.cheerleaders.ap/index.html?cnn=yes

-why i hate europeans, they definitely made this up because they are jealous of us. http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/europe/09/22/uk.stonehenge.healing.ap/index.html

-Run DMC is finally getting their due. http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/Music/09/22/rockhall.nominees.ap/index.html

-In case you might care (W i am looking at you)     http://nfl.fanhouse.com/2008/09/22/that-hot-hefner-girl-and-hank-baskett-might-be-engaged-and-datin/?icid=100214839x1209634514x1200558185

-In case you might care II (looking at you again W) http://omg.yahoo.com/blogs/crush/shes-just-being-miley/61?nc

-Good news…maybe http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080923/bs_nm/us_markets_oil5;_ylt=Aqpk6FeOitd09uvHiBR7Ofis0NUE

-Really? This is why Americans are the best.  http://www.funpages.com/dumbcriminals/

-And finally, my new favorite secret agent/action hero          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPlfzFZGl0o&feature=related

Hope everyone enjoyed.

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State of the Union Address

Well this is my first post in a very long time so cut me some slack, I’m just filling in here. I believe in short, sweet, to the point and very non-W and Scott posts. So as a nice warmer upper a short overview of the 3 major Cleveland sports teams. Here we go…


OK this is bad. Like, really really bad. 0-3!? Really? Only two teams in the modern era of football have made the playoffs after an 0-3 start and both of them lost in the first round. What a disappointment. Every aspect of this team is crap right now. All the questions coming into this season have been answered. Can the Browns handle the high expectations of a decent 07 season and 5 nationally televised games? No. Was keeping DA the right choice? Nope. Did Romeo deserve a contract extension after one decent season. Not at all. Can the defense improve? Actually I don’t think the D has been that bad, its the O that sucks right now. At least the Indians season wasn’t completely over after the first three weeks. And speaking of the Tribe…


Don’t look now but the Tribe is 1 game above .500! Looks like Beanie was right. Yeah I know everybody (Including myself) predicted playoffs and World Series but hey, give this team some credit. They never really gave up and have been busting their butts all the way to the end of the season. Give Wedge some credit for actually getting these guys to play after:

“Star” DH lies about an “injury”(we still don’t know what was really wrong with him) and goes down for basically the entire season.

All-Star catcher tries playing through an injury and also basically goes down for the entire season.

#2 Pitcher done for a year plus.

#1 Best Pitcher in baseball traded.

Clubhouse guy Casey Blake traded.

Porno addict Byrd traded.

I’ll cut the front office, manager and players some slack this year. Sure there are question marks all over the field for next year but guess what? You heard it here first – Tribe = 09 World Series Champs!


Training camp is right around the corner right? After this seasons Tribe and Browns my expectations are rock bottom for this team. I do believe anything is possible with LeBron James on your team. Including him leaving Cleveland for New York. More on that next time.


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Just a quick thought today.

What the hell happened in the comment section yesterday? That was pretty annoying.

Just to let you know about the hero of this blog, BILLY has signed a contract to play in Greece next year. 

It’s national Talk Like A Pirate Day… RRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (Really wish I had a hook hand today)

Saw Tropic Thunder on Monday, that movie is awesome. Very funny and it’s one of those movies that will only get better the more you see it. Tom Cruise, as gay as he is, was awesome. So was Robert Downey Jr.

Exactly 24 hours until I leave for Italy.

  This is where I’m staying.

Good-bye my friends. I leave you in the abnormally small hands of hairy J. And even more abnormally large forehead of S. Enjoy.

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