Before we get to Week 11 of the NFL, let me take a minute to share a few quick thoughts.
1. Every girl I asked yesterday thinks it’s creepy and pathetic to take your packed lunch into your car to eat by yourself and listen to sports talk radio. (I’m sorry I can’t let this die and I won’t until you all see how creepy that is.)
2. Congratulations to Cliff Lee for winning the AL Cy Young completely the most impressive turnaround season of a pitching in MLB history.
3. The Cavs look really, really good. Only saw the second half yesterday but, yeah, I really like this team. Right now they are playing exactly the way the most optimistic fan thought they would. Mo has been very solid. One of the other guards steps up every game. Ben looks like he’s 28 again. Wally too. Z is quietly a double-double just about every game. Andy is playing like he is worth $8 million a year (he isn’t but he is making a case for it and someone will give it to next year). And of course there is Our King. I can’t believe I haven’t brought this up yet, or any of you haven’t either, but how about that dunk from just inside the free throw line the other night? Wow. I feel like he could have jumped from two feet behind the line and still made it with ease. Hell, he may be the first person to ever have a dunking three pointer.
4. Saw Role Models last night. Very funny movie. Kind of follows the way of Knocked Up where it’s awesomely funny at the beginning and then becomes more of a movie with a plot towards the end. But still a very funny, laugh out loud movie. However, I wish I never saw the previews because the first time the little black kid starts dropping bombs was hilarious but it would have been more shocking if you didn’t know it was coming. I’d rank this second behind Tropic Thunder as far as funny movies I’ve seen in the last six months. Both will be great to see a second time around. And no, I didn’t go by myself.
Now for the picks. Last week I went 11-3. I just keep getting better. I’m now 80-58 on the year.
ATLANTA vs Denver - We all should have seen this coming from Atlanta. Did you know ever since there has been an NFC South, the team that finished in last place went on to win the division the next year?
PHILADELPHIA at Cincinnati - The Bengals put their amazing one game win streak on the line. Brian Westbrook better stop pissing around, like he did last week, and get in the endzone a few times.
CHICAGO at Green Bay - Aaron Rodgers continues to fade. He was out played by good old Gus Frerotte last week. If he gets outplayed this week by Sexy Rexy (if Grossman plays) then it’s all over for the Pack. Bring on Matt Flynn.
INDIANPOLIS vs Houston - The Colts seem to finally be back offensively. This great for my fantasy football team but not so great when we have a Colts-Patriots first round playoff match up and all we hear is talk like “Is it the same rivalry without Brady?” or “What will it mean for Peyton Manning’s legacy if he loses to Matt Cassel?” Oh, I know you are looking forward to that.
NEW ORLEANS at Kansas City - I love Herm going for two last week. His team sucks and they aren’t making the playoffs so why not try to take out a division rival on the final play? This week Herm won’t have a chance to make that decision since the Saints will win by 24. The Saints are on a win-one, lose-one pattern and it’s time to win one.
MIAMI vs Oakland – Did you know Oakland’s leading receiver last week was Michael Bush with 43 yards? Reason No. 482 why Oakland is the worst franchise in the NFL right now.
BALTIMORE at New York Giants - I guess you could call this the upset special of the week but Baltimore is really good and no one seems to put them as a legitimate AFC championship caliber team. They have the perfect team to beat the Giants since their defense can stop the run. If they can give Flacco time to throw, and they have been recently, the Ravens win.
MINNESOTA at Tampa Bay - Minnesota is going to make a push for the playoffs simply because AP is great. But let me take this opportunity to address something that has been bothering every time the Vikings are on TV or when their highlights are shown. Is there another head coach who looks less like an NFL player than Brad Childress. He looks exactly like a guy Saturday Night Live would portray as a child molester. He looks like a guy who would eat his sacked lunch in his car by himself listening to sports talk radio. Is there another coach in the NFL who looks less like a football player. Even with The Chocolate Dumpling you could make a case that he was a big linemen at some point. But with Childress, you just can’t see it. He looks more like the guy who would got to high school football games, by himself, 10 years after he graduated and stand under the bleachers looking for some upskirt views of girls. Here are the top five NFL coaches who don’t look like they have ever been a player and don’t look like they know anything about football.
3. Bill Belichick – He’s a deceptive little shit. Standing on the sideline with his arms folding in his hood, he looks like a lost little boy. But instead he is like that little guy in the Asian Mafia on the Simpsons when a fight breaks out with the Italian Mafia and he is just standing there where Homer says “you just know he’s going to do something.” That’s Billy B. You don’t pay attention to him for a minute and he’ll kill you. Honest to God, I think he’ll kill someone at some point.
CAROLINA vs Detroit - Dan Orlovsky wasn’t the answer. Daunte Culpepper isn’t. But don’t worry Detroit, I hear Jeff George is available and waiting for your call. Seriously, did you here Jeff George wants to make a comeback? Please, for all things funny, some NFL team give me a shot. If any team would, it’s the Lions.
SAN FRANCISCO vs St. Louis - Wow. What a horrible game. But I guarantee this is the game FOX shows at 4 in Northeast Ohio. Thanks.
ARIZONA at Seattle – Someone out there has to stop this Kurt Warner for MVP stuff. So please, Seahawks, hurt Warner. He can not be a three-time MVP in the NFL. Just can’t. Please make sure this doesn’t happen.
PITTSBURGH vs San Diego - Who has more fantasy value in the game: LaDainian Tomlinson or Mewelde Moore? When that’s a debatable question, you are in the downslide of your career.
TENNESSEE at Jacksonville – I’m all on the Titans bandwagon now. 16-0 baby. Here we go!!!
WASHINGTON vs Dallas - I don’t think Romo coming back is really going to make the Cowboys good again. They were falling about before he got hurt and he’s not 100% now.
BUFFALO vs Cleveland - I hate, hate, hate, hate picking against the Browns because just when you think they suck more than the suckiest bunch of suckers who ever sucked, they play good. But there’s no way I can expect them to win a game again. Much more on this Monday.