Before we get to Week 11 of the NFL, let me take a minute to share a few quick thoughts.
1. Every girl I asked yesterday thinks it’s creepy and pathetic to take your packed lunch into your car to eat by yourself and listen to sports talk radio. (I’m sorry I can’t let this die and I won’t until you all see how creepy that is.)
2. Congratulations to Cliff Lee for winning the AL Cy Young completely the most impressive turnaround season of a pitching in MLB history.
3. The Cavs look really, really good. Only saw the second half yesterday but, yeah, I really like this team. Right now they are playing exactly the way the most optimistic fan thought they would. Mo has been very solid. One of the other guards steps up every game. Ben looks like he’s 28 again. Wally too. Z is quietly a double-double just about every game. Andy is playing like he is worth $8 million a year (he isn’t but he is making a case for it and someone will give it to next year). And of course there is Our King. I can’t believe I haven’t brought this up yet, or any of you haven’t either, but how about that dunk from just inside the free throw line the other night? Wow. I feel like he could have jumped from two feet behind the line and still made it with ease. Hell, he may be the first person to ever have a dunking three pointer.
4. Saw Role Models last night. Very funny movie. Kind of follows the way of Knocked Up where it’s awesomely funny at the beginning and then becomes more of a movie with a plot towards the end. But still a very funny, laugh out loud movie. However, I wish I never saw the previews because the first time the little black kid starts dropping bombs was hilarious but it would have been more shocking if you didn’t know it was coming. I’d rank this second behind Tropic Thunder as far as funny movies I’ve seen in the last six months. Both will be great to see a second time around. And no, I didn’t go by myself.
Now for the picks. Last week I went 11-3. I just keep getting better. I’m now 80-58 on the year.
ATLANTA vs Denver - We all should have seen this coming from Atlanta. Did you know ever since there has been an NFC South, the team that finished in last place went on to win the division the next year?
PHILADELPHIA at Cincinnati - The Bengals put their amazing one game win streak on the line. Brian Westbrook better stop pissing around, like he did last week, and get in the endzone a few times.
CHICAGO at Green Bay - Aaron Rodgers continues to fade. He was out played by good old Gus Frerotte last week. If he gets outplayed this week by Sexy Rexy (if Grossman plays) then it’s all over for the Pack. Bring on Matt Flynn.
INDIANPOLIS vs Houston - The Colts seem to finally be back offensively. This great for my fantasy football team but not so great when we have a Colts-Patriots first round playoff match up and all we hear is talk like “Is it the same rivalry without Brady?” or “What will it mean for Peyton Manning’s legacy if he loses to Matt Cassel?” Oh, I know you are looking forward to that.
NEW ORLEANS at Kansas City - I love Herm going for two last week. His team sucks and they aren’t making the playoffs so why not try to take out a division rival on the final play? This week Herm won’t have a chance to make that decision since the Saints will win by 24. The Saints are on a win-one, lose-one pattern and it’s time to win one.
MIAMI vs Oakland – Did you know Oakland’s leading receiver last week was Michael Bush with 43 yards? Reason No. 482 why Oakland is the worst franchise in the NFL right now.
BALTIMORE at New York Giants - I guess you could call this the upset special of the week but Baltimore is really good and no one seems to put them as a legitimate AFC championship caliber team. They have the perfect team to beat the Giants since their defense can stop the run. If they can give Flacco time to throw, and they have been recently, the Ravens win.
MINNESOTA at Tampa Bay - Minnesota is going to make a push for the playoffs simply because AP is great. But let me take this opportunity to address something that has been bothering every time the Vikings are on TV or when their highlights are shown. Is there another head coach who looks less like an NFL player than Brad Childress. He looks exactly like a guy Saturday Night Live would portray as a child molester. He looks like a guy who would eat his sacked lunch in his car by himself listening to sports talk radio. Is there another coach in the NFL who looks less like a football player. Even with The Chocolate Dumpling you could make a case that he was a big linemen at some point. But with Childress, you just can’t see it. He looks more like the guy who would got to high school football games, by himself, 10 years after he graduated and stand under the bleachers looking for some upskirt views of girls. Here are the top five NFL coaches who don’t look like they have ever been a player and don’t look like they know anything about football.
5. The Chocolate Dumpling – A big brown round who kicks fields late in the fourth quarter when down seven. He fits not looking like a coach and knowing nothing about football.
4. Dick Jauron – Looks more like a man who is standing in line for his cancer treatment than coaching a football team.
3. Bill Belichick – He’s a deceptive little shit. Standing on the sideline with his arms folding in his hood, he looks like a lost little boy. But instead he is like that little guy in the Asian Mafia on the Simpsons when a fight breaks out with the Italian Mafia and he is just standing there where Homer says “you just know he’s going to do something.” That’s Billy B. You don’t pay attention to him for a minute and he’ll kill you. Honest to God, I think he’ll kill someone at some point.
2. Mike Shannahan – Looks more like a guy who tans everyday just to have an excuse to talk to the hot chick working at the tanning salon.
1. Brad Childress.
CAROLINA vs Detroit - Dan Orlovsky wasn’t the answer. Daunte Culpepper isn’t. But don’t worry Detroit, I hear Jeff George is available and waiting for your call. Seriously, did you here Jeff George wants to make a comeback? Please, for all things funny, some NFL team give me a shot. If any team would, it’s the Lions.
SAN FRANCISCO vs St. Louis - Wow. What a horrible game. But I guarantee this is the game FOX shows at 4 in Northeast Ohio. Thanks.
ARIZONA at Seattle – Someone out there has to stop this Kurt Warner for MVP stuff. So please, Seahawks, hurt Warner. He can not be a three-time MVP in the NFL. Just can’t. Please make sure this doesn’t happen.
PITTSBURGH vs San Diego - Who has more fantasy value in the game: LaDainian Tomlinson or Mewelde Moore? When that’s a debatable question, you are in the downslide of your career.
TENNESSEE at Jacksonville – I’m all on the Titans bandwagon now. 16-0 baby. Here we go!!!
WASHINGTON vs Dallas - I don’t think Romo coming back is really going to make the Cowboys good again. They were falling about before he got hurt and he’s not 100% now.
BUFFALO vs Cleveland - I hate, hate, hate, hate picking against the Browns because just when you think they suck more than the suckiest bunch of suckers who ever sucked, they play good. But there’s no way I can expect them to win a game again. Much more on this Monday.
Titans will not go 16-0. They will lose to the Browns, and next year nobody can argue that the Browns didn’t beat any teams with winning seasons since they will have beaten the Giants and Titans, two Super Bowl teams.
Role Models was a fantastic movie. The Mediaval Times plot was awesome. Laughed out loud almost the whole movie and even laughed when no one else did.
Good thing for Graig he is married so he doesn’t have to worry about what the ladies think about him eating in his car.
Cavs looked great last night. Mike Brown showed highlights of his defense during the 1st half last night at halftime cause they couldn’t have even stopped Team River City in the 1st half. They gave up 60 in the 1st half and only allowed 38 in the 2nd. Lebron scoring 22 and a W… that is scary. Scary good.
I’m not married. If you are going to slander me for my lunch preferences, then I guess that I need to defend my honor with insults. People that play softball are the gayest form of faggy queers in this history of the world. Get over it, your playing career is over. You are worthless. And don’t even try telling me that it’s fun. Softball is the absolute most pathetic thing that a grown man could ever do.
My upset pick: Denver over Atlanta – the bottom is going to fall out on Matt Ryan eventually, it might as well happen to a team on fire after a huge win in Believeland.
Brad Childress is not the least likely coach to ever play football. That honor goes to Mike McCarthy. He is built like an egg and is 5 feet tall. Also, Andy Reid is too mammoth to have played football.
I think the whole eating lunch in your car thing has run its course hasn’t it?
Brad Childress is the most likely to have appeared on Mike Tyson’s Punchout.
Von Kaiser’s twin brother!
I have been predicting Warners season ending injury for the last 5 weeks. it will happen soon. Does anyone even realize the browns are only a game out of the wild card? and finally role models was an okay movie and I would not be surprised if W knew everything they were talking about when they started using the mediaval lingo.
whoops i hate the browns forgot they blew a 13 point lead to the broncos. so they are not only a game out – they just blow
My bad graig… I thought at one point someone had said you were married. I wouldn’t bash softball until you have actually played it. You know how many people got out of the way of the ball because they were scared of it? Granted it was going about 95+ mph. At the least, it’s something to do during the summer time. How did softball even come up?
Scott, was there not enough gay lingo in the movie for you to enjoy? I think I am going to see the new Bond movie this weekend. I will let you know how many times he takes his shirt off.
If Brad Childress is Von Kaiser, then Romeo Crennel is the black King Hippo.
I played softball one summer and I will never play again. Just awful. Everyone that takes part in it is a douche bag.
Graig, you said you were married in yesterday’s comments. Who are you really? What other lies have you told?
I said that I was married? Oh, wait, I refer to her as “the wife” although that is not official yet. Where the hell has Captain No-Edit been this week? He runs smack yet again, I reply, and then a no-show? He’s probably giving $5 HJ’s behind the dugout at his softball field.
LOL Graig, he has been a little MIA lately. Where you at Beaner?
I know what you mean by the douches who play softball. The guys that go all out are definetly the ones who can’t give up on their dream, or never got to play growing up so they take it out on everyone else now. I like the pitchers that actually think they can have an impact on the game. You can only do so much throwing the ball underhand and 5 mph.