Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Thanksgiving is one of the greatest holidays of all time. You eat, sleep, eat, watch football, sleep, eat, sleep. That’s pretty much the perfect day. I’m pretty thankful for it. IT also gives us time to think of what else we are thankful for, and I know we here at J Beanie, and our readers, have plenty to be thankful for. Like…

- Michigan’s football season being over.

- Watching Stephen Curry play basketball. 

- Brady Quinn being out for the season so DA can play well and earn a higher draft pick in a trade.

- Mo Williams.

- Delonte West not thinking about killing himself since he is playing great basketball.

- Having LeBron James in Cleveland for at least eight more years.

- Notre Dame taking a little of the heat off Michigan.

- Ohio State not going to a BCS game.

- Mike D’Antoni saying with a straight face on PTI that the Knicks are a better team now minus Zach Randolph (a double-double guy) and Jamal Crawford (their leading scorer) than they were with them.

- Joe Paterno winning Big Ten Coach of the Year even though he doesn’t call any plays, doesn’t do any recruiting, sits in the press box without a headset and doesn’t make it to the locker room at half time.

- How Vick can plead guilty and get an early release.

- Psych’s holiday special on Friday.

- Going to NYC next weekend and seeing the real Santa Claus at Macy’s.

- GFB turning in to BIL.

- Knowing that my horrible fantasy football managing skills have led to Seal’s great season and occasional reader/never commenter Bub. (I passed up Brian Westbrook for Peyton Manning, Bub  took Westbrook and traded him for AP. I trade Seal Lance Moore and Dallas Clark for Deuce McAllister and Greg Camarillo.)

- Going to Italy in September and having Scott and J fill in with what can only be the best week of Beanie ever.

- NYC Councilmen Vincent Ignizio and James Oddo. They say since Citigroup – who is paying $400 million over 20 years to the Mets for naming rights to their new filed, Citi Field – is receiving billions of dollars in a government bailout, the field name should be changed to Citi/Taxpayers Field. 

- Claude Lemieux is back in hockey after five-years away, albeit in the AHL, but still. The only people who start more fights than Claude or the Roy brothers.

- While we’re at hockey, let’s give thanks to the Roy family. Patrick was a great goalie and his sons are asshole fighters playing hockey who gives us great video clips several times a year. 

- Team River City going to score a major upset tonight over the two guys who left the team this year.

- Making the guys we beat buy us some beers as we celebrate Thanksgiving at River City.

- That the Cavs get to play the Oklahoma City Slickers tonight instead of a real NBA team.

- That I don’t have to eat lunch in my car.

- That my days here at work are numbered.

- That everyone makes fun of the this blog and yet they still  come back for more.

- That W leads all commenters in comments and he did it in three weeks. Also thankful for W making me feel better about myself.

- That Seal’s dick isn’t 10 miles long and he won’t slap me in the face with it.

- Only 42 days until Myrtle.

- Gas is cheaper than it was four years ago.

- How Graig always seems to find the hottest pictures of college girls for his college football/basketball topic days.

- The Lions get to play every Thanksgiving. I don’t care if they suck, I love watching them play on Thursday because it makes everyone talk about Barry Sanders.

- Franksgiving.

- That I’m done posting until Monday.

But before I go, I guess I should make my football predictions. Quick college picks: I’m going with upsets. Oklahoma State beats Oklahoma, Georgia Tech beats Georgia, Florida State gives Florida a great game before losing late and ND beats USC. (OK, not really on that last one, USC wins 114-to-(-3).

NFL PICKS (Last week I went 7-7 to stand at 93-71-1 on the year.)

TENNESSEE at Detroit – although if the Lions win a game this year, it makes sense for it to be on Thanksgiving.

DALLAS vs Seattle

ARIZONA at Phily

BUFFALO vs San Francisco

BALTIMORE at Cincy

INDY at Cleveland - I have a feeling there will be no more than 30,000 people at this game and we’ll see Ken Dorsey. I hope we see Ken Dorsey. Too bad the Lions signed Drew Henson before the Browns could. I think the Browns should turn this season into a “who the hell cares what happens, we are just going to play the rest of they season like a video game.” Go sign Jeff George. Let Cribbs play QB. Something to get us remotely interested.

GREEN BAY vs Carolina

MIAMI at St. Louis

TAMPA BAY vs New Orleans

NY GIANTS at Washington

ATLANTA at San Diego

NEW ENGLAND vs Pittsburgh

NY JETS vs Denver

KANSAS CITY at Oakland

MINNESOTA vs Chicago

JACKSONVILLE at Houston (in the worse non-Browns Monday Nighter of the year.)

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Things that annoy me

This is the week we are suppose to remember all the things we are grateful for. But before we get to that, it seems like a good down to complain. l my fantasy football teams are out of the playoffs and my Wolverines and Browns each had their worst seasons in history. So today I’m just going to make a list of things that annoy me. Please add your own non-Beanie grammar ones in the comment section.

 

- Bud Light’s real men of genius commercials. Not funny anymore. Taxi cab dashboard decorator? Really? Time to retire those commercials.

- Altel’s commercials with the five guys. Kind of surprised NBC hasn’t turned this into a sitcom yet.

- People complaining that it’s cold and snowy.  I get it sucks but, it’s Ohio, what do you expect.

- Basketball players who slap the floor when they play defense… like Greg Paulus.

- People who seem like they have been in college for 12 years… like Greg Paulus.

- Greg Paulus.

- All the ugly white guys on Duke who don’t look like they should be basketball players.

- The fact North Carolina has the same type of ugly white kids on their team but they just sit at the end of the bench and never play. I mean they have 3-4 of these guys every year. Who are they? Are they really are the team or are they students who won a contest to sit on the bench and bring up the teams GPA?

- People who say “Well, I’m here.” when you ask them how they’re doing. Don’t even know what this means. There is a lady I have to call every week and I always ask how she is doing and every time she answers “Well, I’m here.” I’ve started saying “good for you” because I have no idea what else to say. Just say “fine” and move on.

- Kenny Mayne. Funny once a month. Three times a week = annoying.

- Madden Nation. Why the hell is this on TV and who dedicates their life to this? Guys who eat lunch in their car think these guys are losers.

- How ESPN and the NCAA don’t hype up the start of the college basketball season more.

- Fantasy basketball. Is there a good way to do it?

- Iverson’s sleeve thing and Rip Hamilton’s mask.

- Every move I make in fantasy football is the wrong one. Next year I’m taking the George Costanza approach and assuming every thought I have is wrong and to do the exact opposite.

- Pacman down to “last chance.” What number last chance is this for him?

- LeBron leaving Cleveland talk. If teams aren’t trying to free salary space for 2010, then you have a GM worst than Isiah Thomas. 

- Count Dracula being fired.

- This blog and me not feeling like more things that annoy me.

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A sucky football weekend

I’m so glad I’m such a faithful fan. My teams rewarded me this weekend like never before. All my hours of following them and watching their games exploded on my face like surprise facial. I have never enjoyed watching football less than I did this weekend. Michigan was as bad as we all thought they would be and the Browns did their best Michigan impression by sucky worst than The Citadel.

First the Browns. What a god awful, make-you-hate-yourself-for-being-a-fan game. The thing that sucked the most (besides the Derek Anderson sighting) was they were never out of the game. Just when you were about to turn off the TV and do something productive (or at least change the channel), they did something to make you think “OK, they can still pull this out.” The defense would cause a turnover or the offense put a couple first downs together. But it was all for nothing. They’d drive inside the Texans 20 but then the Browns offense would be overwhelmed by the outstanding Texans defense (who by the way are allowing the most points in the NFL) and turn the ball over. They were like the last kid left in dodgeball in middle school. The kid who never threw the ball, stood against the back wall just avoid balls and delay the inevitable. Everyone knows he’s not going to win and they start yelling at him to try and throw the ball and get someone on the other team out. But as soon as he tries anything and moves off the back wall, he gets drilled in the face and loses. That was the Browns. As much as we hoped they would do something, we knew it was only a matter of time before they got hit in the face and lost.

Just when Brady looked like he might be in a little bit of a rhythm, he gets intercepted on more of a good play by the defense than a poor throw from him. So what does the genius Chocolate Dumpling do? Sends in DA on the next series. What was the point of this? Let’s see what it accomplished. 1) That DA still sucks. 2) It doesn’t matter who the quarterback is, the Browns suck. 3) Gives no confidence to Brady in his coach and makes him question him. 4) What happens if DA plays good and leads the team to a win? Then is he your starter again? What would that have done to Brady? What has it already done to Brady? Just a horrible, horrible decision but by now we are used to those from The Chocolate Dumpling.

No wonder the Browns are offering $8 million a year to Bill Cowher. Hell, give him $12 million, ownership of the team, three cheerleaders and the right to punch any player.

Now for Michigan. Well, I guess we all so this coming. No surprise in the final score but I thought Michigan played well in the first half. They were just three plays away from being in the game or even leading at halftime. That first interception should have been returned for a TD or at least the offense should have scored off it. If Michigan scores on their last possession of the first half or first of the second when they moved the ball, who knows what happens. But that’s the whole season for the Blue; filled with if’s. The best thing about the game was that it was Michigan’s last. Rich Rod better go out and get his players now but he has proven he is an ass, now he has to prove he can coach, because he sure didn’t prove it this year. Not only was Michigan bad talent wise, they may have been the worst coach team in college football. The Chocolate Dumpling thought Rich Rod did a bad job this year. 

And that was what a weekend of football was like for a Wolverine and Browns fan. It was almost as sucky as being locked in a room with Graig and W, not being able to talk and having to listen to them talk about Ohio State and the Redskins.

On the positive side though, the high school team I cover, Aurora, won Saturday night and is now in the Division III state championship game this Saturday.

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Week 12 NFL picks

Let’s finally get off the Michigan-Ohio State game and talk about the NFL. The highlight game of the weekend is the Houston Texans coming to Cleveland Brown Stadium to take on the Cleveland Browns. OK, it isn’t the highlight game but it should be an entertaining game for several reasons but I’ll get into that in a second. Unfortunately I have to pass on going to the game because I may have to work on Sunday and my stupid brother decided have his birthday party on Sunday. Way to go jerk. 

Last week wasn’t my best week but I was still over .500 at 8-6-1, bringing my season total to 86-64-1.

CLEVELAND vs Houston – This has potential to be Cleveland-Buffalo 2007 game with lots of snow. But I think it’s suppose to finally stop snowing by tomorrow so who knows. Brady Quinn has a broken finger. I could be wrong here but I think Derek Anderson had something to do with this. Sure, he could have Nancy Kerrigan his leg but that would have been to obvious. DA could have ninja-ed his way to Brady and slammed his finger in a car door. Or step on his hand during stretching. Or a number of un-suspicious acts that could leave Brady with a broken finger. Brady will play through the injury unlike some pretty boy quarterback in Dallas. They said Brady will wear a splint on the sideline when he’s not in the game. What’s the point of that? Is wearing a splint for four minutes at a time really going to make the finger better? I think Brady plays the whole game and the running game finally gets going and makes it easier on him.

I was originally thinking for the Browns to have a better than good chance at winning, the weather needs to be bad to slow the passing game, because we know the Browns secondary wouldn’t. I thought Andre Johnson, Kevin Walter and Owen Daniels would light it up. But then I remember Sage The Jewish Quarterback is playing. Now I think the Browns need to be more worried the running game and Steve Slaton. 

So I think it’s going to  come down to Slaton verse Jamal Lewis. And I’ll take Lewis over Slaton in a cold, windy, snowing conditions. 

TAMPA BAY at Detroit - I don’t even know what else to say about the Lions because they are only six games from the perfect 0-16 season.

TENNESSEE vs NY Jets - A lot of the “experts” are picking the Jets to upset the Titans. I’m not sure why. Tennessee has Kerry Collins at quarterback. The MVP of the league. Who do the Jets have?

KANSAS CITY vs Buffalo - Buffalo’s season ended with Scott Norwood missed wide right last week against the Browns. What? That wasn’t Scott Norwood. It was just his biggest fan? Oh, well the Bills still are done. In Tyler Thigpen we trust.

CHICAGO at St. Louis - Devin Hester is running scared. The cure? Run against the Rams. That should make anyone run with confidence. Hell, even the 49ers played with swagger against the Rams.

NEW ENGLAND at Miami - The Dolphins beat the Pats in Week 2, Cassel’s first start and the first time the Dophins pulled out the Wildcat. I think New England is a much better team no and Billy B runs up the score to send a message.

JACKSONVILLE vs Minnesota - Anyone want to take the bet that MJD outplays AP? 

BALTIMORE vs Philadelphia - Three weeks ago this would have been a huge game. But now we know both of them suck it doesn’t really matter. Phily should just quit the season now. You can’t put up 13 points on the Bengals and tie them, and expect anything good to come the rest of the year.

DALLAS vs San Francisco - I really hope Mike Singletary does something sweet during their 45 point loss. He as too right? That’s the only reason he is an NFL coach. So he can do crazy stuff and people will talk about him and he can say it was a motivation technique.

DENVER vs Oakland – What do you think Al Davis thought when George Steinbrenner gave the Yankees over to his son Hal? “Yes, I win the bet.” Or “What a puss!” Or “Who the hell are the Yankees? And who the hell are all those black people playing for my Los Angeles Raiders?”

SEATTLE vs Washington - Graig, would you and your loser Redskin fans please get a life and stop spending 22 hours a day voting for Redskins for the Pro Bowl? Just another reason to hate you and Redskin fans everywhere. (Graig might not even be reading today because he now spends all his time voting for Redskins and trying to find a way to still vote for Sean Taylor.)

NY GIANTS at Arizona - I’ve been calling it every week but this could finally be the week Kurt Warner goes down. The Giants have a great pass rush and Warner likes to be tackled by groups of large men. Giants are just too good to lose to the Cardinals, even if Arizona is going to host a playoff game this year.

INDIANAPOLIS at San Diego - Good news for the AFC West; Norv Turner will be back for the 2009 season. That’s what you want to hear as a Charger fan. A team with Super Bowl potential bringing back a coach who is going to finish out of the playoffs and under .500. 

GREEN BAY at New Orleans - For no other reason than I’m sticking with my win one, lose one for the Saints.

 

Have a good weekend. Don’t crash in the snow. And GO BLUE!

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Michigan-Ohio State, the “Rivalry”

I don’t care what any of you think, we are going to continue to talk about the Michigan-Ohio State game. Look at what happens you guys try to change the subject matter of the post from the rivalry to the Cavs; they go out and lose. That lost is on you guys. Way to go. So if you don’t what to hear anything about Michigan-Ohio State, you can stop reading now. 

First, from yesterday’s last comment made by W. “I won’t go as far as saying they DESERVE to go, but I obviously do WANT them to go.” No shit. Everyone wants your team to go to the biggest bowl game possible. (Except me as a Michigan fan. I don’t need to see them lose by 40 anymore this year.) Yes, Ohio State does have an outside chance a BCS game. Six teams get automatic bids, leaving four at-large bids. If Oregon State wins out, USC is all but assured one of them. Florida and Alabama coming out of the SEC. Texas Tech and Texas (or Oklahoma will come out of the Big 12) and there’s no way you can say OSU deserves a BCS bid over any of those three schools. So there’s three at-large bids and you got to figure Utah, Boise State or Ball State will get the fourth. That leaves OSU on the outside looking in. I’m not being a hater, just calling facts. Buckeye fans have to root against Oregon State if they want in the BCS this year.

OK, with that out of the way, let’s look at the game this year and the rivalry itself. One way to know it’s not the same is ESPN and ABC aren’t even showing those cheesy commercials they did the last two years. In fact, they are showing almost no commercials. Instead, opting to hype up the Michigan State-Penn State game. When that happens, you know the game isn’t anything special this year. And that’s all Michigan’s fault.

But as much as I love the rivalry (minus the last four years), it isn’t the same. The Big Ten isn’t as good as it once was, or more accurate, other conferences are more entertaining and better. The game is still a big deal to us Blue and Buckeye fans but I don’t think the rest of the country really cares. And not just because Michigan sucks this year. In my opinion, the rivalry has lost some of its luster, but I’m not exactly sure why. The game still usually settles the Big Ten Championship but with the BCS, that doesn’t seem as important as it once was. Don’t get me wrong, I still think it’s a great game/rivalry and I’m still pumped for the game Saturday, but I just don’t think it means as much as it used to. Even in 2006 when both teams were undefeated, it seemed like people outside of Big Ten country laughed at national title talk. It doesn’t help that Ohio State has been blown out in back-to-back national title games. That’s not a knock on the Buckeyes but the simple truth that because of it, people look at the Big Ten and think “this is the best they got?” 

As for this year’s game, my brother and I always said while we were growing up, “I don’t care if Michigan doesn’t win a game as long as they beat Ohio State, it will make the season worthwhile.” Well, this as close to a winless season as there can be (hopefully). This Michigan’s chance to save the season. The series has a long history of upsets but if Michigan would win, it would be the biggest upset in the history of the Big Ten. Michigan has nothing to lose and can come out and play carefree. Not that I expect OSU to be uptight, but they could be over confident. Michigan’s “strong suit” is there defense. Ohio State’s weak point is their offense. It could be a low scoring game and maybe Pryor gets a nervous and makes a costly turnover(s) and Michigan wins. Of course, there is a better chance of Seal saying one thing positive about Michigan than Michigan actually winning. I think the only way Michigan wins is if somehow they keep it close and then in the fourth quarter, Pryor continuously throws INTs that are returned for touchdowns and after the game he rips off his shoulder pads and he’s wearing a Michigan jersey underneath and he transfers UM. That’s what it’s come to for us Wolverine fans this year – hoping for a WWF, unrealistic ending to the game. The only positive that will come out of this game, I won’t be watching it with Seal, and the season will mercifully come to end. Ohio State 31, Michigan 15. Yep, I’m calling for the cover. Go Blue!

PENN STATE vs Michigan State – Another game that could get OSU in to a BCS game. If MSU wins, OSU wins the Big Ten. One thing I’ve been wondering this year, with JoePa in the press box, can he even see the field? Do they give him a headset? And if so, who is the lucky person on the field who gets to hear his rambling? The Spartans have avoid a late season meltdown so far but you just can’t count on them to win a big game.

OREGON STATE at Arizona - Buckeye fans, it’s not going to happen in this game so you better become big Duck fans for next week’s game between the Oregon schools.

Washington at Washington State - Has there ever been a worse college football match-up? I’d rather watch middle school girls basketball than this game. 

UTAH vs BYU – The Utes win this game and they are in the BCS (probably). But it is there toughest test since Michigan, (Ok, it’s their toughest test of the year.) but they’ll win.

PITTSBURGH at Cincy – Can you believe the winner of this game will probably get a BCS bid? Just doesn’t seem right, does it? 

TEXAS TECH at Oklahoma – Texas Tech has answered every challenge this year. Their defense is greatly underrated and their offense is unstoppable. They are my national title pick.

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What happened to Michigan football

It’s Michigan-Ohio week but it just doesn’t feel the same. Of course, by this point that’s like saying Paris Hilton is annoying and washed up – it’s obvious. This game, for many years in a row, was the Big Ten championship. But with Michigan playing like a 7th-grade co-ed team, all the luster, build-up, excitement and anticipation is gone, or at the best, very little. 

It didn’t have to be this way. Michigan did it to themselves with the help of an outside force. Today, as we prepare for the Saturday game (back to it’s proper noon kick-off), we look at the reasons why Michigan sucks this year and what could have been if only a couple of things were done differently.

There were three major moves made since Michigan’s loss to Ohio State last year that all dramatically changed the future of the football program; Lloyd Carr resigned; Rich Rodriquez was hired; Tryell Pryor went to Ohio State.

1. Carr’s resignation - It’s hard to argue it wasn’t time for Carr to go. The fans had all but turned against him. He only beat Ohio State once in the last five years. And the team was getting predictable and stale. However, he had won a national title, always in the Big Ten title hunt, a bowl game every year, his players loved playing for him and he was the best halftime interview of all time. Whether a Carr supporter or not, he was a great coach and his forced out, er, resignation set in motion the worst season in the history of college football’s winningest program.

2. Rich Rod’s hiring - During the search for Michigan’s coach to replace Carr, all kinds of names surfaced, most notably Les Miles. ESPN’s reporter Kirk Herstreit broke the news Miles was coming to Michigan, which turned out to be false. (Is Herby even a reporter? What was he doing breaking news?) Miles was obviously Michigan’s first choice and when he turned down the job, UM officials panicked. They couldn’t believe someone would turn down the head coaching job at Michigan. They then went out and overpaid for Rich Rod. It was the sexy hire. (By the way, I hate when people say sexy pick for stuff like this. So I really don’t know why I said. Crowd pleaser would work much better.) 

They could have easily hired within the “Michigan Family” by promoting one of the coordinators or a coach somewhere else who once was an assistant at UM. However, with the predictable and stale program Carr left, everyone wanted to go a different direction and bring in Rich Rod. It’s too early to say if it was the right decision. Rich Rod is going to need at least three-to-four years to see what he can really do. I still think he’ll be fine. He’ll get his talented and fast players there and the spread will work. If he can get guys to come to West Virginia and make it work, he can do the same in Ann Arbor. 

However, there’s no doubt in my mind that if Michigan had hired a typical Michigan man, they would be going to a bowl game this year. They still wouldn’t be a great team because they lost so many players from last year, but they’d be over .500. That is also true if Carr would have stayed on board. Ryan Mallet would have stayed and developed into a great quarterback. Carlos Brown and Brandon Minor would have been sharing the carries from the beginning instead of Rich Rod trying to get his freshmen into the system and comfortable with it. The offensive line would have been much better with a regular blocking scheme. I know they lost a lot of guys from last year’s team but Michigan always losing guys and always has people to replace them and are good every year. 

Rich Rod was hired to shake up the program. And shake it up he did. Now for the first time in my life, and the first time in 33 years, Michigan will not be playing in a bowl game. 

3. Tyrell Pryor’s decision - What has made the transition to Rich Rod’s spread difficult has been the absence of a quarterback who can effectively run the offense. Pryor would have been that QB. Michigan wasn’t even on Pryor’s radar prior to Rich Rod’s hiring. When Pryor announced Michigan was now at the top of his list, there was excitement that he would be the man in Michigan. That excitement soon turned to disappointment and hate when he settled on OSU. He has had an up-and-down year, but there is no doubt that he is a superstar in the making. He has made some incredible plays and looks better than Vince Young ever did, especially throwing the ball. The hiring of Rich Rod set the program back for one, maybe two years. But if Pryor came to Michigan that could have been offset. Michigan would be a bowl eligible team. Now, instead of having a promising three or four years with Pryor as their quarterback, Michigan has to play against him in the biggest game of the year for three or four years. 

It’s been a year to forget in Michigan football, only we’ll remember it forever. 

Tomorrow we’ll take a look at the game itself and if it, and the rivalry, are what it once was.

 

FYI – I won’t be around to respond to comments until after 1 or 2, maybe. That’s if I survive my adventure today. I’m going out to shoot guns with the men of the Aurora Police Department.

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Look what happens when you do what Beanie tells you to do

Told you it would be ugly. But any Browns win is as pretty as a sunset over a Tuscany valley. Thanks to Phil “I’m the only Brown you can ever count on consistently” Dawson the pulls out the ugly win that was only fitting for Week 11, the ugliest of the NFL season so far. However, a 5 under the W column, isn’t so ugly. Sure, it’s not good but it would have been a lot worse had it stay a four.

Let’s take look at why the Browns won this game (besides Trent Edwards).

But first, remember when I said this yesterday: Brady has a decent start under his belt on the national stage under the lights so hopefully that won’t bother him. They are going to have to throw the ball deeper than 3-yards down field and when Harrison gains 44 yards on four touches, give him the ball more. Same goes for Cribbs.

Brady was decent again and didn’t lose the game and even a few big throws on the game-winning drive and looked real good taking the knee at the end. He’s down field throws looked laser sharp. I don’t know why people were saying he doesn’t have a strong arm. Those 15-25 yard passes were rockets. Now, his deep ball needs worked on because he was off a few of those but overall he played well. DA will not see the field again this year. 

Harrison. This guy is good. That was a great touchdown run. He is the perfect change of pace back to Lewis and I still think he needs the ball more. No reason why you can’t give him 10-15 touches a game. Lewis has been nothing more than average at best. Harrison makes plays only getting the ball 5 times a game, imagine what he can do with 15 touches. He added a very nice catch and run on third down in the second half as well.

Cribbs. It’s about time they run with him near the goal line. I’ve said it every week for at least three in a row; the Browns need to get him the ball more near the goal line. Cleveland’s offense has sucked inside the 10. Cribbs gains 5-6 sixs every time he is tackled on kick returns. It makes sense to give him the ball inside the 10 and let him see what he can do. The Chocolate Dumpling finally did that and Cribbs showed he can score. (While we are the subject, can all announces please stop calling the formation every time a non-quarterback takes the snap the “wildcat.” That’s what the Dolphins call it. Not every team calls it the wildcat.) 

With Houston up next week, the Browns have a great chance to be 6-6 and The Chocolate Dumpling just may make it to the end of the year. But had Buffalo not gone with their favorite field goal result, wide right, we’d all be bitching today about how the Browns blew another fourth-quarter lead. The defense played good to great in the first half. Then, in the second, they looked tired and weak. I thought they were suppose to be subbing guys in to keep them fresh? Why are they still that tired? Where’s the conditioning? Shaun Rogers is a beast. When he is playing well like he was in the first half, the defense is one of the best in the league. But when the massive man gets tired, the defense is awful. Luckily, Quinn and Dawson were able to save them this time.

And how about Braylon’s game. After his first quarter drop, he played very good. But isn’t it bad that every time your top receiver catches a ball thrown to him, you are surprised? Shouldn’t it be you are surprised when he drops the ball? That’s our Browns! But our Browns will be .500 by this time next week.

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Expect the Ugly Tonight

I never thought a Sunday without Cleveland Brown football could be uglier than a Sunday with Cleveland Brown football. But my God did yesterday’s game suck. A 11-10 Steelers win? A tie? Ravens run defense looking like the Chiefs? Really? That stuff sucked. I don’t think I even enjoyed football yesterday. (Didn’t help that I forgot to take Mewelde Moore out of my fantasy line-up for MJD and I lost by 2 points. This season, I’m going to win the Joe Franchino Award for worst fantasy GMing.)

However, this could be good news for the Monday Night game between the Browns and the Bills. No way can this game get uglier than what the “football” the Bengals and Eagles displayed. But then again, we are talking about the Browns, who are always up for out-ugling another team and the Bills who are 1-4 in the last five games with about 843 turnovers. 

Both teams need a ‘W’ but the Bills need it for far greater reasons than the Browns. For the Bills, the game reminds me a lot of the Browns-Giant game for the Browns. Going into that game the Browns were 1-3 and their season was on the line. A win and everyone thought it could springboard Cleveland to another promising season. Man, we were way off, but that thought and playing under the national audience of MNF inspired the Browns to play their best game of the season and hand the Giant what is still their only loss of the year. 

Buffalo is in a very similar situation. They need a win to stay in the playoff and division race. They have been playing like crap and now take that crappy play to the Monday Night stage. Teams seem to always play well when they are at home for MNF. And with their season on the line, I expect the Bills to be no exception.

As for the Browns, I said it before, but you just have no idea what you are going to get from them – besides horrible coaching, bad play calling, lots of Dave Zastudil sightings and the best smile, hair and arms in the game. Brady has a decent start under his belt on the national stage under the lights so hopefully that won’t bother him. They are going to have to throw the ball deeper than 3-yards down field and when Harrison gains 44 yards on four touches, give him the ball more. Same goes for Cribbs. As for Jamal Lewis, I hope he quits after have -13 rushing yards and loses two fumbles, right Wes? 

The Chocolate Dumpling has promised some line-up shake up and we’ll see some new players, especially on defense. Travis Daniels has replaced Brandon “I like to dive to tip a pass after the receiver I’m suppose to be  covering already caught the ball and is 8 yards behind me” McDonald. Good decision. Shantee Orr, of Michigan fame, will get some time at outside linebacker. And, this is all me making it up, but Martin Rucker should see some time at TE. I doubt Winslow is back next year so let’s see what Rucker can do.

Braylon: I have a message for you. Take your 5-hour energy drink right before the game. Not 5 hours before the game. Maybe this is why you sucks so bad this year. Your math skills are little bit off and you don’t know how long 5-hours really is? Or stop drinking that shit all together because no way can it be good for you. (Are these 5-hour energy drinks not the worst commercials on TV? They are much worse than anything Taco Bell comes up with and that is bad.)

In conclusion (remember how in elementary school all your writing stuff had to end with “in conclusion”), an ugly Sunday of football probably translate into an ugly Monday of football, especially when the Browns and a Trent Edwards led Bill team meet under the lights.

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Week 11 NFL picks and a whole lot more

 

Before we get to Week 11 of the NFL, let me take a minute to share a few quick thoughts.

1. Every girl I asked yesterday thinks it’s creepy and pathetic to take your packed lunch into your car to eat by yourself and listen to sports talk radio. (I’m sorry I can’t let this die and I won’t until you all see how creepy that is.)

2. Congratulations to Cliff Lee for winning the AL Cy Young completely the most impressive turnaround season of a pitching in MLB history.

3. The Cavs look really, really good. Only saw the second half yesterday but, yeah, I really like this team. Right now they are playing exactly the way the most optimistic fan thought they would. Mo has been very solid. One of the other guards steps up every game. Ben looks like he’s 28 again. Wally too. Z is quietly a double-double just about every game. Andy is playing like he is worth $8 million a year (he isn’t but he is making a case for it and someone will give it to next year). And of course there is Our King. I can’t believe I haven’t brought this up yet, or any of you haven’t either, but how about that dunk from just inside the free throw line the other night? Wow. I feel like he could have jumped from two feet behind the line and still made it with ease. Hell, he may be the first person to ever have a dunking three pointer. 

4. Saw Role Models last night. Very funny movie. Kind of follows the way of Knocked Up where it’s awesomely funny at the beginning and then becomes more of a movie with a plot towards the end. But still a very funny, laugh out loud movie. However, I wish I never saw the previews because the first time the little black kid starts dropping bombs was hilarious but it would have been more shocking if you didn’t know it was coming. I’d rank this second behind Tropic Thunder as far as funny movies I’ve seen in the last six months. Both will be great to see a second time around. And no, I didn’t go by myself.

Now for the picks. Last week I went 11-3. I just keep getting better. I’m now 80-58 on the year.

ATLANTA vs Denver - We all should have seen this coming from Atlanta. Did you know ever since there has been an NFC South, the team that finished in last place went on to win the division the next year? 

PHILADELPHIA at Cincinnati - The Bengals put their amazing one game win streak on the line. Brian Westbrook better stop pissing around, like he did last week, and get in the endzone a few times. 

CHICAGO at Green Bay - Aaron Rodgers continues to fade. He was out played by good old Gus Frerotte last week. If he gets outplayed this week by Sexy Rexy (if Grossman plays) then it’s all over for the Pack. Bring on Matt Flynn.

INDIANPOLIS vs Houston - The Colts seem to finally be back offensively. This great for my fantasy football team but not so great when we have a Colts-Patriots first round playoff match up and all we hear is talk like “Is it the same rivalry without Brady?” or “What will it mean for Peyton Manning’s legacy if he loses to Matt Cassel?” Oh, I know you are looking forward to that.

NEW ORLEANS at Kansas City - I love Herm going for two last week. His team sucks and they aren’t making the playoffs so why not try to take out a division rival on the final play? This week Herm won’t have a chance to make that decision since the Saints will win by 24. The Saints are on a win-one, lose-one pattern and it’s time to win one.

MIAMI vs Oakland – Did you know Oakland’s leading receiver last week was Michael Bush with 43 yards? Reason No. 482 why Oakland is the worst franchise in the NFL right now.

BALTIMORE at New York Giants - I guess you could call this the upset special of the week but Baltimore is really good and no one seems to put them as a legitimate AFC championship caliber team. They have the perfect team to beat the Giants since their defense can stop the run. If they can give Flacco time to throw, and they have been recently, the Ravens win. 

MINNESOTA at Tampa Bay - Minnesota is going to make a push for the playoffs simply because AP is great. But let me take this opportunity to address something that has been bothering every time the Vikings are on TV or when their highlights are shown. Is there another head coach who looks less like an NFL player than Brad Childress. He looks exactly like a guy Saturday Night Live would portray as a child molester. He looks like a guy who would eat his sacked lunch in his car by himself listening to sports talk radio. Is there another coach in the NFL who looks less like a football player. Even with The Chocolate Dumpling you could make a case that he was a big linemen at some point. But with Childress, you just can’t see it. He looks more like the guy who would got to high school football games, by himself, 10 years after he graduated and stand under the bleachers looking for some upskirt views of girls. Here are the top five NFL coaches who don’t look like they have ever been a player and don’t look like they know anything about football.

 

5. The Chocolate Dumpling – A big brown round who kicks fields late in the fourth quarter when down seven. He fits not looking like a coach and knowing nothing about football.

4. Dick Jauron – Looks more like a man who is standing in line for his cancer treatment than coaching a football team.

3. Bill Belichick – He’s a deceptive little shit. Standing on the sideline with his arms folding in his hood, he looks like a lost little boy. But instead he is like that little guy in the Asian Mafia on the Simpsons when a fight breaks out with the Italian Mafia and he is just standing there where Homer says “you just know he’s going to do something.” That’s Billy B. You don’t pay attention to him for a minute and he’ll kill you. Honest to God, I think he’ll kill someone at some point.

2. Mike Shannahan – Looks more like a guy who tans everyday just to have an excuse to talk to the hot chick working at the tanning salon.

 

1. Brad Childress.

 

         

CAROLINA vs Detroit - Dan Orlovsky wasn’t the answer. Daunte Culpepper isn’t. But don’t worry Detroit, I hear Jeff George is available and waiting for your call. Seriously, did you here Jeff George wants to make a comeback? Please, for all things funny, some NFL team give me a shot. If any team would, it’s the Lions. 

SAN FRANCISCO vs St. Louis - Wow. What a horrible game. But I guarantee this is the game FOX shows at 4 in Northeast Ohio. Thanks.

ARIZONA at Seattle – Someone out there has to stop this Kurt Warner for MVP stuff. So please, Seahawks, hurt Warner. He can not be a three-time MVP in the NFL. Just can’t. Please make sure this doesn’t happen.

PITTSBURGH vs San Diego - Who has more fantasy value in the game: LaDainian Tomlinson or Mewelde Moore? When that’s a debatable question, you are in the downslide of your career.

TENNESSEE at Jacksonville – I’m all on the Titans bandwagon now. 16-0 baby. Here we go!!! 

WASHINGTON vs Dallas - I don’t think Romo coming back is really going to make the Cowboys good again. They were falling about before he got hurt and he’s not 100% now. 

BUFFALO vs Cleveland - I hate, hate, hate, hate picking against the Browns because just when you think they suck more than the suckiest bunch of suckers who ever sucked, they play good. But there’s no way I can expect them to win a game again. Much more on this Monday.

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Worst things to do by yourself then CFB picks

Back by popular demand, it’s time to give you the best insight on the college football games this weekend. But first, in response to the last few days comments I have to address two points. One, I’ve been in a hurry the last two days to get a post up because I had meeting/interviews I had to get to so the grammar has been extra bad (which for this site mean three-grade retard bad).

Two, saying the Big Ten has great defenses is like saying all blacks can’t swim. It’s a stereotype that holds some truth but not much anymore. The only reason people still think the Big Ten has good defenses is because used to be so true and now it that’s the only thing positive you can say about the Big Ten as a whole. But the true is, the defenses are only putting up good numbers because the offenses are so bad.

Three, the eating alone in your car thing. I had a long talk about this with J and he agreed that it is the single worst thing you can do by yourself. We both agreed that we’d rather take our lunch and eat it on the hood of car than eat it inside. If you don’t see what is loser-like about sitting alone in your car, eating lunch listening to sports radio, I understand, because you are one of those guys who sits alone in his car eating his lunch and listening to sports radio. I don’t expect you to see how uncool that is. And I’m not even one to really care what other people think if what I do is uncool, but even that is too far for me. I hate my co-workers too but I still eat lunch in our break room and just bring something to read so they know not to talk to me. Or I’d even eat lunch in place I picked my food up from than sit in the car. At least if you are alone in the restaurant, people will assume you on your lunch break. If you are sitting in your car, people assume you are waiting for little boys to walk by so you can offer them a piece of candy.

Here are the top 10 worst things you can do by yourself.

10. Go to a park and shoot basketball when no one else is there.

9. Road trip longer than three hours away (unless traveling to see family but if it’s just to go party somewhere with friends, and you don’t have any friends to go with you, you’re in trouble.)

8. Get drunk on a Saturday night then go to a bar (nothing wrong with drinking by yourself on say a Wednesday but a Saturday is a little sad. Then the guy who goes to by himself to the bar is just creepy, unless you do it so much you are a regular and people know you, or you are in a new town.)

7. Hang out at the mall (if you’re a guy, why are you even going to the mall?)

6. Watch the Super Bowl or other big sporting event.

5. Go to dinner (something different about dinner than lunch).

4. Go to the strip club. (Isn’t it about male bonding over getting off? I don’t know. I’m no expert of the strip club. Seal, I turn to you for advice.)

3, Go to a sporting event of any kind.

2. Go to a movie

1. Eat lunch alone in your car while listening to sports talk radio.

 

OK, now it’s time for college football talk.

AKRON vs Buffalo - It’s the last game ever played in the Rubber Bowl. So sad. I remember all the great games there. The final games of the flag football season during elementary school. The championship games (0-2) of tackle football during middle school. Covering the Division I regional final three years ago between Massilon and St. Ignatius. What? It’s the home field for the University of Akron Zips. Oh, learn something new every day. 

PENN STATE vs Indiana - Right now JoePa is like that old man in your neighborhood whose lawn you kept hitting your baseball into and your had to run into his yard with him sitting on the porch starring at you like he was going to pull a shotgun out at anytime. By the 55th time the ball got to his yard, he got off his porch and kept the ball, refusing to give it back. That’s how pissed JoePa is right now and Penn State wins this game by 40. ( I don’t even know if that comparison made sense but that’s what I think about JoePa every time I see him.)

NAVY vs Notre Dame - The Irish controlled this series for 46 years. Now it’s the Midshipmen’s turn. They are 4/100 of a way to that mark now with winning their second in a row. The Only Person In The World To Gain Weight From Stapling His Stomach is on his way out.

TEXAS at Kansas - Good to know Kansas is back where they belong in the football world; getting blowout by Texas and being under .500 in the conference.

SOUTH CAROLINA at Florida - The Old Ball Coach is good for one upset win a year. This is that one.

OHIO STATE at Illinois - As much as I’d love to see OSU lose so any stupid BCS talk can finally stop, Illinois just lost to Western Michigan. Looks like it’s up to Michigan to ruin OSU season again.

MICHIGAN vs Northwestern – Northwestern is hurt. Michigan is actually playing like a real college football team. Granted it’s a Division III football team but still, isn’t that what Northwestern has been for years. The optimistic fan in me says the Wolverines win a thriller. The realist in me says they lose a blowout. I’m going with the optimistic fan.

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