Today is an absolutely thrilling day. I’m full of exciting news that is sure to please everyone (six) of my readers. There are some great announcements, fantastic additional information to Friday’s post and a few name changes we need to discuss.
We’ll start where we left off Friday. I was telling my cousin (in-law) about the post and he said he wished he would have consulted with him before I posted it. (I said, well you should be reading the site everyday and I wouldn’t have to tell you about and relay your information for you. You could post it yourself.) He is in the process of redoing a house he just bought in New Jersey with my cousin. He then proceeded to tell me about the new regulation on how much water is used for each flush. In most older toilets, I believe it’s a gallon per flush. He said in new toilets, its less than that. Like half a gallon or a pint an a half. (I could look it up but I’m too lazy and I’ll trust my cousin. Just know that it is less that it used to be.) Because of the less water, he said after taking a poo and wiping with high quality toilet paper, the thick stuff, you can not get it all down in a single flush. It will clog every time. He said you have to poo, flush, wipe, then flush again. Or, you could analyze your poo, think how much TP you would use and take your chances with one flush, even though you’ll usually lose. I would think the reason behind using less water per flush is to “go green” but if it takes two flushes to get everything down, is it really saving water?
OK, in what may be the most exciting sports news this summer and will only get more exciting this winter, has announced Billy Packer will not be returning for the college basketball season. DING DONG THE WICKED WITCH IS DEAD. Packer has broadcast 34 consecutive Final Fours and in the process pissed off every single college basketball fan. This is a glorious day. I could not stand Fudge Packer. I love March basketball. It is one of my favorite times of the year, behind the start of football season. But Packer has been ruining it my entire life. Packer is like a hangover. You know you’ll have a good time going out drinking with your friends, doing shot after shot, chugging beers, wanting to get wasted and blackout making yourself do all kinds of crazy stuff for the entertain of yourself and more importantly others. You know a hangover is evident if you do that but it’s worth it for one night. Well, maybe not worth it, but manageable. That’s Packer and college basketball. You love the sport, you love the tournament but you tuning in means hear Packer talk down to you. You suck it up for the love of the game but it’s hard to enjoy it with that voice nagging you for 2 hours. Thank you CBS for saving college basketball.
Now they are promoting Clark Kellogg to the Jim Nantz team and Kellogg isn’t my favorite guy either but it will be a great upgrade. Let’s just hope ESPN doesn’t do something stupid and hire Packer. Could you imagine a conversation between Packer and Dick Vitale?
The other announcement I have deals with name changes. GFB will no longer be known as GFB. He will now be known as FB.
If you are slow and can’t figure it out, FB stands for Fiancé’s Brother. That’s right. Old J Beanie himself and The Girlfriend (now The Fiancé) are engaged. It happened Friday night with the help of FB’s daughter who I had give the ring to GF, or I guess now she’s just F. It’s been a crazy weekend with running around telling our family and friends but it really is awesome. It’s hard to believe that I really am going to get married but I love this girl and can’t imagine not being with her. She’s wonderful, has a great family, loves to cook, she’s the most understanding and patient women in the world (and to be w/ me, you really have to be) and while she’s not a big sports wiz, she respects how much they mean to me. Man is she great. OK, enough girly talk. It’s just a real exciting time. I don’t know if more excited about not listening to Packer anymore or getting married. Both kick ass. Come sometime around October of 2009, FB will undergo another name change to BIL.
Fratello
