The Boston Celtics won the NBA Championship last night. Their 17th in the history of the franchise. Quite a feat. And I could care less. I haven’t watched more than 4 minutes and 43 seconds of the finals. In fact over the what seemed to be two months since Game 1 was played it may be the thing I’ve cared the least amount about. Here is a list of things more meaningless than an NBA championship that I thought about more during the finals.
> If Chad Johnson participated to Bengals mini-camp.
> The Ohio high school state softball finals.
>The AHL Calder Cup Finals.
> Corn production falling.
> If a black belt looked good on blue pants.
> If Big Brown will ever race again.
> If Tiger Woods would go see the Celtics doctors during the U.S. Open since the performed a miracle on Paul Pierce and made him able to walk again after being wheelchaired off the floor.
> If Continental Airlines cuts can affect someone who rarely travels.
> What kind of minivan GFB is going to get and what kind of funeral ceremony we should have for the Riveria.
> How long Floyd Mayweather will stay retired? Over/under 18 months.
> Why NBA teams give coaching jobs to former role playing shooting guards?
> What happened to Justin Hicks?
> Inviting myself to other people’s wedding, and getting not only myself invited but the GF too.
> How many days in a row I can go without brushing my teeth before someone says something.
> If they’d find Nemo.
> Graig’s trip to Yankee Stadium (yeah, I really don’t care about the NBA Finals).
> If I can get this booger out of nose before someone sees me digger like a dog.
> What Hank Steinbrenner will say next about the longest tradition in baseball.
> If I wore safety goggles all the time, what would people think.
> How good my meatball sandwich is going to be at lunch.
> Who is going to be on Dances with the Stars next year.
> If Bill Nye the Science Guy is ever going to be on TV again.
> What Bill Simmons is going to write about after the finals.
> How many days is too many days for wearing the same underwear.
> How sweet it would be to party with Cedric Benson.
> How a grown women can get so drunk that she passes out on the toilet at 10 pm.
> Trying to find a potato chip that looks like Jesus.
> When I get old if I’ll be one of those cool old guys who can pull of wearing suspenders and a sweet top hat.
> Who’s going to win Euro 2008.
> If I was stranded on a desert island, would I rather a TV or a computer?
> How does Rice Crispys make that snap, crackle, pop sound?
> How would Seal kill Graig given the chance?
> How you can call someone and ask them to call you back but they never do, but if you text them, no matter what time of day, they’ll get back to you 21 seconds.
> Only 82 days until the Cleveland Browns opener.