The Indians continue to struggle. Their offense is as pitiful as American Pie 4: The Return to Band Camp. There’s a better chance of Tampa Bay Rays winning the East than the Indians scoring a clutch run. The offense is uglier than James “Colossus” Thompson’s ear (he’s the guy Kimbo Slice fought on Saturday on CBS. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, google him and see his ear.) The Indians are so bad right now, there’s a chance a team that lost 12 games in a row could start a winning streak against them. Oh… yeah… that just happened.
But what’s the problem here? When things aren’t going your way, what’s the best thing to do? That’s right, blame something other than yourself. For the Indians, that something is injuries. They suck at hitting because they are injured. Travis Hafner went on the DL Friday with a sore shoulder. He was batting .217 with four home runs. Victor Martinez is batting a respectable .292 but is only 10-for-57 the last few weeks. He has 49 hits on the year, all but 10 have been singles and none have been triples or home runs. That’s right, the Indians clean-up hitter has ZERO home runs. That tells the story of your 2008 Cleveland Indians. But now Wedge and Sharpio are saying his power is down because his hamstring is bothering. The hamstring he hurt way back on opening day.
And this injury excuse doesn’t just work for hitters. It works for pitchers too. Remember Joe Borowski? He sucked(s) for the first part of the season, blew two saves in a row and then landed on the DL. If the Indians can use the injury excuse, why can’t other people? It got me thinking that other players don’t suck, they are just playing through pain. And isn’t that something us fans love to see. A never say die attitude and playing for the love of the game, even if it’s killing him. So here are a few people who don’t suck, they are just hurt.
> Matt Gogglin. He led the Memorial for three rounds before blowing it on Sunday. Blowing it might not be right since he was hung over and dizzy the whole round.
> Justin Verlander. His 2-8 record and 5.16 ERA isn’t his fault. Gary Sheffield put him in an arm lock that nearly broke his elbow.
> Ben Francisco. After being hot and by far the Indians best hitter for three weeks, he fallen into a slump and seen his batting average drop 80 points. However, not his fault. He is in the Indians clubhouse where he picked up the Canthit virus.
> Sam Cassell. He has played horrible since Game 1 of the Cavs-Celtic series. How can you blame him for this when he obviously is suffering from an addiction to Mr. Burn’s nerve tonic.
> American men at the French Open. Robby Ginepri was the last American man standing but lost in the fourth round. It was the best an USA male has done since 2003. He could have went further but little pink vaginas started to grow on Ginepri from spending too much time in France.
> Andruw Jones. Batting .165, 2 HR 7 RBI. The Dodgers learned from the Indians. He was put on the DL on May 24.
> Dale Earnhardt Jr. I don’t follow NASCAR but I don’t think he’s won a race in since Senior died. Again, not his fault. He is suffering from a sever case of red neck.
> The rest of the Cleveland Indians hitters. There is only so much room on the DL and only so many fake injuries you can come up with, they have to take their turn. Next up is Jhonny Peralta with a tummy ache, Ryan Garko with symptoms of turning into Travis Hafner, Asdrubal Cabrera with rat like symptoms, Paul Byrd with down syndrome, Casey Blake with HPV and Franklin Gutierrez and David Dellucci with a joint case of AIDS.
> J Beanie. That’s right. Yours truly may need a stint on the DL. As great as I am, I can’t be blamed from the few mistakes and typos I make. I was dropped on my head a lot as kid.