Tyson Gay ran 100 meters in 9.68 seconds yesterday. That would be a world record but because of such a strong tailwind, it will not qualify for the record books. Kind of strange but not as strange as the headline “Hooker wins 100-meter qualifier in 10.76 seconds.” Te he he. That’s funny. Even more funny that it’s in the women’s race. Even funnier knowing the names of fastest American woman and man. I really would want to see this headline, “Gay, Hooker win qualifier.”
But the story here is Gay running the 100 meter in 9.68. That is pretty darn impressive but it got me thinking of things I could do in under 10 seconds.
> Score more runs than the Cleveland Indians.
> Make several typos that force my readers to re-read the sentence twice, maybe three times.
> Last longer in Wimbledon than most American men.
> Get a man to feel so bad about taking a ball from a little kid that he gives it to the kids. (At the Tribe game Saturday I sat in the bleachers. Grady Sizemore always throws a ball in to the stands between innings. The one in the fifth inning was about 20 feet to my left and caught be a guy one row behind us. Some little fat kids was also trying to catch it and reached over the kid to get it. Every cheered for him until I started booing him and say how mean it was to take it from the little kid. The kid looked like he was going to cry until the guy have him the ball. Then the kid was the happiest a little fat kid has been with something that didn’t involve food. I’m kind of like a super hero, aren’t I?)
> Regret going to Wednesday’s and Saturday’s Indians game. (In the three games I’ve been to this year, the Indians have scored a grand total of two runs.)
> In half the time, realize it’ a bad idea to give Gilbert Arenas a six-year, $124 million deal.
> Brush my teeth.
> Get so annoyed with my co-workers that I walk out of the office in their mid-sentence.
> Check the J Beanie website for new comments… twice.
> Become a big Cleveland Gladiators fans as they play in the playoffs tonight.
> Probably, change the channel from the Gladiators game because as much as I love football, it’s still Arena football.
> Take a poo.
> Realize that you should just pay the $10 and have Lowe’s put the grill together for you instead of having 5 guys try to put it together.
> Pretend to care that Spain won the Euro Cup before laughing and saying “come on, it’s soccer.”
> This isn’t dealing with 10 seconds but I thought it was funny. A man was cited for misdemeanor drug abuse after he was found in possession of suspected marijuana at Cleveland Hopkins Airport. The man’s name: Derrick Martin. And he had the same date of birth as the Derrick Martin of the Baltimore Ravens. Ravens’ Martin denies in was in Cleveland. The other Martin insists he is the Ravens player (may not be true, but that’s what I would do.)
> Get through a line or two of W’s comments before not caring what he has to say anymore.
> Run 10 meters.