As much as people ignore the NHL, the Stanley Cup playoffs, at least the finals, is very exciting. The playoffs are one of the, no, the most grueling playoffs in all of sports. It all climaxes with the Stanley Cup Finals. I don’t pay that much attention to hockey during the regular season but you can call me a NHL playoff bandwagoner. I hop on board and follow it all the way to the end. I don’t know what it is but I love the NHL playoffs. It might be that anyone can beat anyone and the seeding seems to mean very little. It may be the five hour, five overtime, sudden death games that last until 2:00 in the morning and you can take three naps from the third period on and not miss the ending. It may be all the Berry Melrose on SportsCenter. Or it more than likely is that they are playing for the greatest trophy in all of sports. Lord Stanley’s Cup is head and shoulders above any else. Would you rather have that huge cup with names of all the players from winning teams or a football or basketball stuck on a pole? Or a platter of flags? It’s like choosing hamburger over steak. Why eat hamburger when you can eat steak?
Watching a few of the NHL playoff games and thinking about the Cup is the inspiration of today’s post. As everyone knows, each member of the winning team gets to take the Cup for one day and do whatever they want with it. Since I’ll never win the Stanley Cup, the next best thing would be the guy who keeps track of the Cup. Can you imagine all the stuff he has seen? All the crazy stories he has been a part of? All the guys who have done this job need to get together and write a book. There’s no doubt it would be a number one seller. Someone make this happen. Since it’s my idea, maybe I should take action. You think the NHL would listen if I sent them an email with my idea? I might try it.
I was thinking about what I would do if I had a day with Cup. Oh my goodness the possibilities. Of course there would be lots of drinking out of the Cup, but everyone does that. One thing I read one guy did, he took it to an ice cream place with his family, filled it with ice cream and then let everyone eat from the Cup. How cute, right? Pretty boring considering the rest of his day was spent at his elementary school. Come on. You’re an NHL player. Do something great with it. Here are a few things I’ve thought of off the top of my head that I would do with it.
> I’d eat a bowl of cereal out of it and I don’t even like cereal but I’d make sure all my meals were ate out of that cup.
> After breakfast, maybe a nice large screwdriver or long Island iced tea to get the day started.
> I’d drive around town speeding and not following any traffic rules as the Cup is buckled into the passenger seat. If I got pulled over I’d tell the officer if he didn’t get me a ticket I’d let him take a picture with, and hold the Cup.
> I’d get one of those bikes-built-for-two and strap it on to the back seat and ride the bike around while the song “Just the Two of Us” was playing on repeat.
> If I had kids, or a dog or a lobster or a fish, I’d give it a bath in the Cup. Hell, I’ll go out and buy fish to put in the Cup for a few hours. Maybe some of those fighting fish.
> Of course the Cup would come to bar after bar with me. I would never drink out of real cup and anyone who wanted to drink for the Stanley Cup would have to chug a Cup full of beer. If the person couldn’t finish it, he would not be allowed to touch or look the Cup in the eye the rest of the night.
> I’d go to a stripe club and put the Cup on stage and make the strippers use it as their new pole. Then I’d by the Cup a private lap dance and get jealous that it was getting more action than me.
> Once I was nice and drunk and tired of lifting the three foot long cup to drink from, I’d turn it in to my own personal port-a-pot. I’d fill it with urine and then tell other drunk people that it was full of beer and to chug it. I know people would. I’d laugh.
> I’d go to Wal-Mart and get a “family” portrait done with me and my Cup.
> At the end of the night, when all the girls are trying to come home with me because of my “cup size” I’d say sure if you don’t mind sharing me with the Cup.
> Other funs things might include putting the Cup on a remote control car and driving it around the streets to see peoples reactions, play who can hit who harder with the Cup and make the biggest dent or pretend you are a homeless man on the streets of NYC begging for change and the thing you are asking for change in is the Stanley Cup.
> Oh, and of course, I’d inscribe J Beanie somewhere very largely on the Cup.
Let’s have some fun with this. What would you do with the Stanley Cup if you had it for a day?
Fratello
