A great night, minus the basketball of course

Oh man, what a night! An absolutely spectacular, thrilling, fantastic, marvelous night inside Quick & Loans Arena last night.

Wait. What’s that? The Cavs lost by 18 and were never in the game? Thank goodness for open bars.

As I announced yesterday, I got to go to the Cavs home opener and attend a pregame party and watch the game from a suite. The night was perfect, until the game started, so let’s start at the beginning and work our way through the night.

We arrived at The Q at 5:45, with taking full advantage of the free food and drinks on our minds. We thought the reception started at 6:00 but it didn’t until 6:30. So we walked down the street to Panini’s and had a beer and played SilverStrikeBowling and video cornhole. Of course I loss both games to Seal since he is the best bar game player ever (seriously, you name a bar game and Seal is one of the best around at it. Pool, darts, erotic photo hunt, bowling and now cornhole. We had a competition once to see how many games we could play until I beat him. I’m still trying to beat him)

We got back to the arena around 6:45. Somehow we found our way to the room for the reception. Let me tell you this, they did not hold back. Top shelf liquor, fantastic food and surprisingly, a lot of hot women. Of course the first thing I did was head to the bar to get a Captain and Coke (I love to sail). On my way, I walked past a statue, only as I passed it, the statue extended her arms towards me. It scared the hell out of me. Turns out these statues were making some of the best caramel apple martinis ever.

The best part of the party (besides the free drinks and the chicken fingers) was the Eastern Conference Championship trophy was on display. That was a sight to see. Only wish it was the Larry O’Brien trophy. After arguing about how far we could get if we tried stealing the thing, we thought better of it and just went to the bar for another drink.

As I’m downing my fourth Captain and 15th chicken finger, Dan Gilbert walked into the room to give a little speech. He wasn’t nearly as small as I thought he would be. He have a half-assed, I-wish-I-didn’t-have-to-be-here speech about bring a championship to Cleveland and all this talk about the Cavs not making the playoffs was ridiculous. Then he asked if anyone had any questions. Seal wouldn’t let me ask “Where’s Andy?” Would have liked to see him dance around that one.

At about 7:45 we make our way to the suite. As we get there, a gorgeous lady opens the door and invites us and tells us to help ourselves to the food and fridge. We waste little time. We each grab a beer and a plate full of cheese fries and more chicken fingers. I have to pee and want to get it done before the ceremony that unveils the 2007 Eastern Conference Champions banner. As I’m peeing, I hear someone talking. Hmmm, not LeBron. Not Z. Not Damon Jones. Who could it be. I find out it was The Sleeping Giant himself, Donyell Marshall. Why was he the one talking. Before I could even finish up in the bathroom, the banner had be dropped and the ceremony was over. That fast. No more than 45 seconds. Solid.

Anyway, as the game is going on, Seal notices who is sitting in the suite next to us. It was no other than Danny Ferry. Not only was he in the next suite, he was sitting just one seat away from us. Since it was Seal’s mom’s tickets, I asked if I could try to strike up a conversation. He said no. So I was forced just to stare at Ferry and hope he could read my mind, “Sign Andy. Sign Andy.”

As for the game, wow. All offseason and that’s the offense we came up with? Really? LeBron, you don’t even attempt a shot in the first half? Really? Z, you had to shave your head to look like a cancer patient? Really? This was the best we had? Really? The home opener, a full house, a banner rising ceremony and this was how you play? Really? You couldn’t at least keep it close for a few minutes? Really? You had to get blown out of the water right from the start? Larry Hughes, you know your jumper is awful and you don’t work on it in the offseason so you come out and shot like you always have, 2-of-12? Really? How does no one work on his jumper with him? How does no one tell him to stop shooting the ball? Man they looked horrible. Barkley and Bill Simmons may be right. This team is not a playoff team. They were booed, loudly, at halftime. I think Ferry was just as disgusted. He kept rubbing his head and I’m pretty sure he left before the fourth quarter. I hope he went to go call Andy. Or call the Lakers and offer the whole team, plus first round draft picks for the next 10 years for Kobe. Play LBJ and Kobe 2 on 5 and we’ll have a much better chance to win than we do with Hughes, Donyell and Damon.

The night ended by us basically getting kicked out of the suite. Two other friends (included in the group was loyal reader Rosenberg) made there way to the row of seats right in front of our suite. We handed them two drinks and were sitting there talking with them. One of the ladies working in the suite came up to us and said “please don’t give them drinks” but she didn’t take the drinks from them or anything else. So we kept standing there talking with them when the lady came back and said we are asking everyone to leave now. The game was over but there were still other people in the suite. We took the hint and left.

It was an overall suite night (get it, suite, like sweet. I know, I’m good). Too bad the rest of the season doesn’t come with an open bar. Cavs fans might need one to watch this team.