The Simpsons Movie opens today… Best Day Ever

Today’s the day. Well, actually tonight’s the night. The Simpsons Movie finally comes out tonight at midnight. I haven’t decided if I’m going to the midnight showing or just one on Friday but I couldn’t be more excited for the opening. After years of speculation and agonizing hope, the movie has finally arrived.

The movie is exactly what the world needs right now. The sports world is more messed up than Lindsay Lohan’s’. I think anyone involved in professional sports should be required to go see this movie. All players, coaches, assistant coaches, commissioners, water boys, bat boys, grounds crew members, general managers, owners, everyone. It will get their mind off of all their problems and maybe even get them to laugh for an hour and a half. I don’t know what else to say about the movie besides I am more giddy to see it than I was when I paid that lovely lady take my virginity. I’m sure there will much more talk about the movie after I’ve seen it.

But thinking of The Simpsons Movie makes me think about some of my favorite episodes. There are so many good ones and so many funny moments that I know I’m going to miss a bunch of them so if you think of something you really like, remind me of it.

My Top 5 (in no particular order because it’s too hard to actually decided between some of them).

1. The one where Homer gets a job at Cypress Creek and Hank Scorpio. In an episode filled with classic lines, my favorite line is one that can no longer be seen in the reruns. Homer goes to see Hank, hold a cup of coffee, asks “You got any sugar?” Hank: “Sugar, sugar? (reaching in to his pocket, he pulls out two handfuls of sugar) Here you go. Want any cream?”
Homer with a confused look on his face says “uhhhhhhh, noooo.”

I know, I know. Typing it doesn’t do it justice but if you’ve seen that part you know how good it is.

And Scorpio is a super vilian that Homer never knows about and he gives Homer the Denver Broncos.

2. The team work retreat. Homer gets paired up with Mr. Burns at a team work retreat in the mountains. As good as Homer and Mr. Burns are in the episode, the park ranger delivers the best lines in it.

After Bart and Lisa leave the cabin to help Smithers make it to the cabin, Marge tells the ranger she can’t find her children. “Did you check the forest?” his is reply. Marge and the ranger take to the ski lift to look Bart and Lisa.
“This ski lift will give us a bird’s eye view of everything directly below the ski lift,” pointed out the ranger. “I’m not going to lie to you ma’am. The chances of finding your kids are slim to mil.” Right after he says that line, Bart and Lisa yell “Hi mom.”

When it’s discovered that Homer and Burns are trapped in an avalanche somewhere, the workers form a search party. The ranger says, “OK, let’s take a minute to humor the kids. (bending down to talk to Bart and Lisa) Kids, your dad is going to just fine. (Standing back up talking to the crowd) OK everybody put on your corpse handling gloves, we got to frozen bodies to find.”
Bart: “You hear that Lisa? Dad is going to just fine.”

Doesn’t get too much better than that.

3. The power plant softball team with all the major league players. How good is this one? They got nine MLB players to all come on to the show. Quick, can you name them all, without looking at the picture below? When I thought about it I got 8 and missed the catcher? But I was able to remember why each missed the championship game. Add all that to the final song at the end, in black and white highlights and you got yourself a classic show. We’re talking softball.

4. “Can I borrow a feeling? Can you lend me a jar of love? Hurting hearts need some healing? Take my hand with your glove of love?”

There may be no better song than Kirk Van Houten’s fabled attempt at a singing career and winning back his wife.

5. Rodney Dangerfield is Mr. Burns’s son. The episode starts out strong with the Simpsons going on tour at a apple cider mill. Homer tries to sneak off but runs into Flanders. Flanders: “How long have you been here?”
Homer: “Twenty of the suckiest minutes of my life.”
As Flanders continues to talk about cider, Homer’s brain says “you can stay but I’m leaving.” The brain floats away and Homer continues to nod for a few seconds then has the best fall ever when his body goes completely limp.

“Shouldn’t the get a pole for that sign,” Homer says after seeing the hitchhiker.

Eating dinner with Burns and his son, Burns annoying ask Homer if he has kids and if they bring around their dimwitted friends and makes you talk to them.
“Oh all the time,” answers Homer. “You ever hear of this kid Milhouse. He’s a little weenie…”

Don’t know why but I love that line.

In fact, as I think about some of my favorite lines and moments, Milhouse is in most of them. He is my favorite character in the show. Two quick examples why.

When the Simpsons use Flanders beach house on the Fourth of July, Bart, Milhouse, Homer and Marge are playing Blind Date, the board game. Homer gets the stud quarterback, Bart gets “The Dud.” Homer grabs the card, laughing, points at Milhouse, and says “He looks like you poindexter.” Just love the line for whatever reason.

My favorite Milhouse line comes from the episode where Bart gets a credit card. After the repo company comes to get all his stuff, Bart gives up Santa’s Little Helper to keep the trained dog he ordered, Ladie (not Lady). Walking through the park, everyone loves Ladie. Milhouse comes up and says how great Ladie is, much better than Santa’s Little Helper.
“Remember that time Santa’s Little Helper ate my goldfish and you told me I never had a goldfish. But why did I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl?”

Or how about the time the Flanders took the Simpsons kids in as foster children. At the end of the episode when Marge and Homer try to get them back, Homer is driving in the car “to find Flanders I have to think like Flanders,” he says. Thinking in his head, “To find Flanders, I just have to think like Flanders! (thinking) I’m a big four-eyed lame-o, and I wear the same stupid sweater every day and,” out loud, “The Springfield River!”

Then after the kids are back with Homer and Marge, Homer asks for all the dirt about staying with the Flanders. Lisa, “Dirt, dirt? There wasn’t much dirt.”
Bart, “But there were a bunch of old paint cans in the garage.”
Homer, “Old painty can Ned.”

I could go on and on and on and on, but that will be enough for now. Bottom line is The Simpsons is the greatest TV show of all time and after tonight, will be the greatest movie of all time, too.