Levels of Creepiness

 

Today is a specail day. I take a break from the normal world of boring sports to bring you one of the greatest lists of all time. I was waiting for a good day to bring this to you and today seems like it.

It was about a month ago, I went to a happy hour with one time dedicated commenter turned occassional reader Frank. It was a glorous Friday evening and many other people had the same idea as us to take advantage of this bars $2 happy hour and nice outdoor patio. As Frank and I sat there, sipping on way too many Summer Shandy’s, we began looking around at all the other people. Now, I’ve always been a big fan of people watching since there are a lot of weirdos out there but doing it at a bar is a whole other experience. You know you are going to see some crazy stuff but you figured at a 5:00, there can’t be that much, right? Wrong. As we people watched, we realized just how creepy some people can be. (Us included since for a long period of time we did nothing but stare at the group of girls a table over from us.) There was so much going on that Frank and I decided to come up with the different levels of creepiness. We’d see someone do something creepy, then laugh about it and hope we could remember what we saw for this very special edition of J Beanie. 

Today I bring you “The Levels of Creepiness.” It ranges from just a little creepy to so creepy it leaves you speechless. These are all things Frank and I witnessed that faithful Friday evening or at some point in the last three weeks. I would like to make this a regular feature here on J Beanie. We’ve all seen someone — friends, stranger, yourself — do something creepy and laugh about it the next day. I want to share all those stories with my readers. What I’d like to do is have you email me the creepy things you saw when you were out. (my email is bhovey15@yahoo.com - I figured email would be better than leaving as a comment so when I post them, it will be more of a surprise.) Then, once a week, I’ll select two of them to go to a “creep off” where you will vote which one is creepier. I’ll then add each item to the “Levels of Creepiness” to keep the list ever growing. 

With the holiday weekend, I know all those creeps will be out in full force. Take notice. Remember. And let me know about them. 

So, without further ado, here is the first installment of “Levels of Creepiness.”

 

ALMOST NORMAL, JUST A HINT OF CREEPINESS

● The “I’m adorably awkward with girls and is creepy but is no threat because when girls talk to me I panic and don’t know what to do” creepy.

● The “I just stand there and smile creepily” creepy.

● The “I have a solo mustache and I am trying to funny with it” creepy. (This guy could also be considered super sweet if the mustache is think enough, he has long air, aviator glasses and looks to be a straight 70s porn star.)

● The “I’m standing on the outside of circle of girls in conversation and even though I laugh when they all laugh I have no idea what they are saying,” creepy.

● The “I argue politics at the bar” creepy.

● The “if I stand next to these girls long enough hopefully they’ll talk to me” creepy.

● The “I’ll have another Summer Shandy” creepy.

● The “I have a white cell phone and I’m a male” creepy.

 

STILL FUNNY BUT IF HE DOES ONE MORE THING IT WILL NO LONG BE FUNNILY CREEPY AND FALL INTO JUST PLAY CREEPY

● The “I shaved my head into a mohawk even though my hair was already shaved” creepy.

● The “I play in a band and the only people who came to us play our parents and out-of-town relatives” creepy.

● The “I wear Hawaiian shirts with khaki pants and black shoes” creepy.

● The “I came to the bar by myself in a tank top and jean short” creepy.

● The “I introduce myself with my nickname” creepy.

● The “guy who goes to the electric a few songs earlier than expected b/c he busted a string on the acoustic” creepy.

● The “why in god’s name didn’t I have a pen and paper handy when all of these creepy jokes were flowing out of my mouth as fast as the beer was flowing down my throat” creepy.

● The “I’m going to wave my hand in front of your face until you acknowledge me and give me a high-five” creepy.

 

I REALLY DIDN’T THINK THAT WAS CREEPY BUT IF ALL MY FRIENDS SAY IT WAS CREEPY IT MUST BE CREEPY

● The “I came to see my son’s band play and I brought my own lawn chairs to the bar and set them up in the middle of the patio but never used them” creepy.

● The “I have a solo mustache and I’m not trying to be funny with it” creepy.

● The “I came to the bar with a buddy and didn’t think I was a creep but the looking around the bar I notice it’s the two of us and two other guys by themselves all staring at the same group of girls so we look creepy by association” creepy.

● The “I wear shirts like ‘I’m drunk’ or ‘Female Body Inspector’ to the bar because it’s still a better pick up line than anything I can think of on my own” creepy.

● The “let me show how to hold the pool stick” creepy.

● The “I need to be six inches from your face and look directly into your eyes to talk to you” creepy.

● The “No matter how smooth I think I’m being it’s actually creepy” creepy.

● The “guy who goes ‘uhh–uhhhh-UHHHH!!’ whenever a remotely good-looking girl walks by” creepy.

● The “this dirty bandanna worn around my neck like a 1920’s bank robber makes me look awesome” creepy.

● The “I rubbed my beer bottle on the neck of the girl I’m talking to to try and cool her down” creepy.

● The “I’m the girl who let the guy rub his beer bottle on my neck to try and cool me down” creepy.

 

YOUR FRIENDS ARE THINKING ABOUT SITTING YOU DOWN AND HAVING AN INTERVENTION ABOUT YOUR CREEPINESS

● The “I’m 40 and I refuse to hang out with people my own age so I still go to college bars to make friends” creepy.

● The “nice guy trying to console or listen to a girls problems when all I’m really doing is waiting for my chance for a cheap feel or her getting drunk enough that she’ll come home with me thinking I’ll take care of her but I really want to take advantage of her” creepy.

● The “I know I’m God’s gift to women” creepy.

● The “I buy girls on the other side of the bar drinks in hope they come over and talk to me but those smiles they just gave me are really them laughing at how stupid guys are” creepy.

● The “I have to have my hands on you to talk to you” creepy.

 

SO CREEPY NO ONE WANTS TO GO TO THE BAR WITH YOU ANY MORE.

● The “I’m the old man in thick glasses and pit stained shirts who sits at the end of the bar and just stars at every girl and everyone thinks I’m the creepiest guy in the bar” creepy.

● The “I’m an old, ugly, rich guy but if I buy these girls enough drinks maybe I’ll be the ‘not so bad looking, cool, he isn’t really that old rich guy’ and I can get lucky with one of these college girls” creepy.

● The “I just puke at the bar and then try to play it off like it’s not a big deal” creepy.

● The “I’ll walk through the crowd and strum my gui-tar while asking the Miller Lite girl to pour a warm shot of Miller Chill down my gullet while I continue to play” creepy.

● The “let’s roll our pants up to our knees and cross our legs while calling out other people at the bar for being creepy” creepy.

 

 CREEPY ENOUGH FOR GUYS TO MAKE A LIST ABOUT LEVELS OF CREEPINESS 

● The “I just got called creepy by the creepiest guy in the bar” creepy.

● The “I’m just going to blatantly stare at the girls since everyone knows I’m a creep and I just don’t care” creepy.

● The “I’m an old, ugly, rich guy who buys these girls all there drinks and I don’t even care what they think of me because I’m so desperate for attention that them talking to me only when their glass is empty is more than enough for me” creepy.

● The “guys who email creepy lists they came up with during one spectacular happy hour” creepy.

● The “I dance/make-out with a blacked out girl who would be a passed out girl if I let her sit down” creepy.

● The “I got so drunk I began telling my husband’s sister about how I gave him road head on the way home from every Indians game we went to” creepy.

● The “I was sober but my wife was so drunk and horny (after talking about giving head) that I took her out of a creepy bar and into my car that I parked behind the bar and had sex with her before returning to the bar, denying it happened but forgetting how drunk my wife is that she said yes and laughed about it as soon as my sister and her boyfriend asked us where we went” creepy.

 

Thank goodness we aren’t Chiefs fans

Is it football season yet? Please hurry. Only 2 weeks until training camp, 50 days until the first college football game, 52 until the first college football Saturday and 60 days until Cleveland Browns opening day. It can’t get her soon enough. Having to watch the horrible NBA finals of Boston-Los Angeles, seeing the Indians disappointing like only a Cleveland team can, Tiger out of golf, the Cavs likely to not make any significant moves in the offseason and the Gladiators, as much as I liked watching them, they just aren’t going to fix my football needs. 

I’m looking into what Browns tickets I want to get this year and how to get them. I starting thinking about all the great times I had in that stadium last year and all the fun that will happen there this year too. All the yelling, all the cheering, all the standing, all the degrading non-Browns fans and all the other drunken and non-drunk tomfoolery that goes on. It made me happy that I don’t live in Kansas City and a Chiefs fan. I saw something on the Yahoo! home page that interested me. “NFL team bans standing at games.” It turns out it was the Chiefs. I thought no way can they really ban standing, there has to be a catch. Nope. A look at the Chiefs fan code of conduct simply states “standing and/or obstructing the view of other fans.” Wow. Come on. Really?

So giving your team a standing ovation isn’t acceptable behavior? Getting excited over a big play and leaping to your feet is now not allowed? On a big third-and-2, you can’t stand up, encourage others to stand up and make as much noise as possible to help out your team? This is unbelievable. This rule was obviously put together by someone who hasn’t watch a football game from the stadium and doesn’t appreciate the game.

Of course this rule would be much worse in other stadiums for other teams. Good news is the Chiefs will be so bad, the fans won’t really have a reason to cheer. 

I remember the Seattle game last year in Cleveland. We stood from the middle of the fourth quarter on through overtime. It was one of the best games I’ve ever been to and one of the loudest crowds. The fans were really into the game and there’s no way it would have been the same if we had to do all our cheering from sitting on our asses.

I took the liberty of looking at the Chiefs fan code of conduct and comparing it to Cleveland’s. The Browns do have a standing policy but look at the difference. Cleveland’s reads “Excessive standing - please be aware that when you stand, you block the view of the fans behind you. We do not wish to diminish your ability to cheer and enjoy the game, however, your continued standing can interfere with others’ ability to enjoy the game from their seats.” Fair rule and more times than not, if you want to stand up and cheer, the guys around already are, too.

Or if standing isn’t that bad for you, how about this one; in KC’s “intoxication or other signs of impairment.” Hahahahahaha. Really? You expect people to go to an NFL game and not tailgate, not drink beers and not be intoxicated? Cleveland has no such rule listed on their fan conduct list. Nothing mentioning alcohol or intoxication at all (besides the standard right to refuse to sell to anyone). If there was a rule like that at Cleveland Browns Stadium, I’m pretty sure no more than 54 people would be allowed at the games.

And just for good measure, KC has this rule: “Harassment of visiting team fans.” Again, Cleveland has no such rule. Look, if you are going to wear a visiting team colors to another teams stadium, expect to get yelled at, degraded, have stuff thrown at you and an all around miserable time. If you do it in Cleveland, expect all that, and maybe even a few sucker punches. People are passionate about their teams and we don’t want and aren’t welcome to fans of other teams coming into our territory. 

Football season is coming up soon and I can’t wait. The Browns will be a playoff contender and their fans will be allowed to cheer them on. Kansas City on the other hand will not be a playoff contender and their fans will be having as miserable of a time in the stands as the players are on the field. HERE WE GO BROWNIES, HERE WE GO!!! 

 

Fratello

A night with the Gladiators and Indians

To show just how boring this sport summer is, and will be, I am taking the liberty of documenting my night of watching the Cleveland Gladiators and Cleveland Indians. Luckily for all of us, I’m starting with a tape delay broadcast of the Gladiators at 8:00 so that means less time for the Indians. 

> OK, now for my thoughts as I try to watch the AFL playoffs.

> ESPN opens with “Welcome to Cleveland, Ohio. This football crazed town welcomes the AFL playoffs” and an outside blimp shot of Cleveland. Then guess who the first person they show is? Yep, Bernie Kosar. Did you know he owns the Gladiators? 

> Jay Gruden (Orlando coach) sounds just as hicky as Jon. And looks like Jon’s retarded step brother.

> The AFL locker room looks more like a NBA locker room with 12 black guys and a white coach trying to give them a passionate motivational speech as the players just kind of stare blankly ahead with the “what is this cracker talking about” face.

>Shaun King is the color guy for this game. That’s pretty sweet. Can’t make it in the NFL, can’t make it in the AFL, now he is trying to make it as an AFL broadcaster. And going by his first line of “he’s all that and a bag of chips” I’m guessing he can’t make it here either. 

> I don’t know all the rules to this game so I hopefully will learn as it goes along. 

> The QB is mic-ed up. If we have to listen to ever play I’m turning this game off and suffereing through the Indians. I really don’t care if he calls “triple wing right 46 slant operation freedom pigeon” or “double to axle heel ball change skinny pump and go 83 on hut hut hike.” I don’t know the difference so why do I care what play he calls?

> Touchdown Orlando as the guy catches it falling over the wall. Guess you don’t have to get any feet in bounds in the AFL. 

> Cleveland’s QB has been in the AFL for nine years. Is that good or bad?

> Cleveland WR tackled at the 25 yard line and the announcer said he was brought down at mid-field. Weird game.

>Touchdown Cleveland. So now there’s been three plays for Orlando, touchdown, two plays Cleveland, touchdown. Good thing this isn’t a drinking game where you drink every score. Or too bad it isn’t a drinking game.

> Touchbacks start on the 5-yard line. 

> Another touchdown Orlando. Two TD’s is good in a real NFL game, what’s good in a AFL game? Would five TD’s piss you off if you had the QB on your AFL fantasy team or make you happy? I really don’t know.

> Did you know the Gladiators colors are not Brown and Orange? Someone didn’t tell the fans that.

> Good news here, unlike the NFL, there isn’t a commercial after every score. If there was, that would be a lot of freaking commercials.

> Touchdown Cleveland. 

> That was either Carrot Top in the crowd or the ugliest women I have ever seen. No joke, the scariest, ugliest “women” of all time.

> Orlando just returned a kick for a touchdown. I’m not AFL expert but that seems like it should be impossible to do. Short, narrow field and catching a ball off a net. How do you let someone get free?

> Missed extra point by Orlando could come back to help Cleveland. (Post game note: As it turned out, Orlando missed three extra points and lost by three. That kick was named Scott Norwood I think.)

> Marlin Jackson just carried the ball. I thought he played cornerback for Indiapolis. And I didn’t think they ran the ball in the AFL.

> A fumble on the screen play goes to Orlando. If you ever wondered, yes, they have replay challenges in the AFL and this is the first time for it. This play is the perfect example of the “Tuck rule.” But is there a tuck rule in the AFL.Call stands. No tuck rule.

> I think Charlie Frye is in the audience. He’s probably apply for his new job.

> Kosar has a head set on standing on the sidelines. What could he be saying and to who? “Bring me another whiskey on the rocks.”

> First quarter over. That was kind of quick. 

> First play of the second quarter, Cleveland recovers a fumble.

> OK, let’s fast forward a bit. 

> During my FF, I noticed an interview with Bernie Kosar. This should be good.

> Wow, Bernie doesn’t appear drunk. Stupid yes, but not drunk. Good for him. I guess he only does that when he does announcing for Browns games.

> Oh, no. The just said this is the forth week in a row Bernie has been interview when something good has happened (Gladiators got an interception during the interview) and Bernie says “now you have to keep me on the air for th rest of the game.”

> Cleveland just scored. It’s 33-31 Orlando with 29 seconds left and I’m getting really bored.

> Weak play by Cleveland to end the half. With 2 seconds left, on the 12 yard line, they are going for a field goal to take the lead instead of the touchdown. At least they made the kick. 34-33 halftime score, Cleveland up. Let’s go live and see what the Indians are doing. (Post game note: Turns out this field goal was the winning points. Shows what I know about the AFL.)

> Chicago up 3-1 in the third. Yep, of course Cleveland doesn’t have more than one run.

> What’s the first thing I see; Choo sliding for a ball he could have caught standing up, over sliding it, the ball landing fair. Then Blake not able to play a routine grounder and not only not able to play it but not able to play it so bad that it went for RBI single instead of an error. Laides and gentleman, your 2008 Cleveland Indians.

> It’s now 9:07, let’s hope the Gladiators are doing betting.

> 48-46 Glads, 4:30 left in the third.

> ESPN really lets you hear what the coaches are saying. I wish they did this more in the NFL. Listening to the AFL coaches, they sound like Pee Wee coaches compared to NFL ones.

> INT Orlando ends a Cleveland threat. Just like the grand slam ended the game for the Indians. God, why do I even watch them.

> Flip back to the AFL, Orlando scores to go up 53-48. I don’t know how comparable it is, but I think the Gladiators will score more points tonight then the Indians will the rest of the season.

> Pass interference on a Orlando DB. He got beat and pulled down the Glad WR like he was Manny Ramirez pushing down a Red Sox ticket employee.

> At the end of the third quarter, with Glads down 53-48, Shaun King just made the comment “Cleveland has to be disappointed with the way this quarter turned out. They started the quarter with a one-point lead and they end down five.” Well said Shaun. I guess disappointment is the same in the AFL and the NFL. 

> Back to the Tribe, oh my. What’s this? They scored. It’s now 8-2 going in to the bottom of the fourth. But no comeback tonight. The Indians have thrown in the human white towel that is Edward Mujica.

>Bating for the White Sox is Toby Hall. Doesn’t that sound like a guy cut from your junior high team?

> Just found the only way Mujica can look good. When a guy named Toby Hall steps out of the box thinking he has called time only he doenst, they swings helplessly at a mediocre fastball for strike three.

> Update from The Glads game, 55-53 Cleveland. This will be a good ending. Should be anyway.

> Did you know there is illegal defense in the AFL? I may have to look up what this means.

> Orlando scores, 60-55 them.

> Wow. Back over at the Indians game, somehow it’s still just 8-2 after Mujica pitched an inning. I’m assuming he pitched the whole inning which is a big assumption.

> Garko got a hit and Matt Underwood points out it snapped his 0-for-17 skid. That’s not a skid. That’s a hot streak for this baseball team.

> Fourth-and-5, the Glads score. Nice. I’m starting to get into this. 62-60, Cleveland with 6:06 left in the game. LET’S GO GLADS! LET’S GO GLADS!

> Oh great, here come the announcers. “Cleveland has been heart break city when it comes to playoffs.” Then they show the Drive, the Fumble, the Shot, the 97 Indians, the Spurs sweep , the Red Sox last year. Really guys? Do you have to do that? This is the AFL. Those loses aren’t the same. How come they didn’t mention all the championships won by the Cleveland Force/Crunch? That’s the same level. Thanks for getting me all pissed off.

> Fumble Orlando. Glads ball with 2:04 left. But this will be challenged and probably overturned. Never mind. Seeing it again, it should be Cleveland’s ball… and … it… is. 

> Wow. After a big pass play by the Glads, they showed the hottest girl in the crowd. Just smokin’ hot. Then a fat kid stepped in the shot and ESPN quickly cut a way. Stupid fat kids ruin everything.

> OK, what’s going on with the Tribe. 8-3. OK, slow and steady wins the race. Hhahahahaha. They just said “Casey Blake, 0-for-2 and with a six game hitting streak on the line.” Kind of sad that they point out a six-game hitting streak and even more sad that is the longest hit streak of the season for the Tribe.

> A running play scores for the Gladiators. Extra point good, 68-60. Two possession game. Should be over. 

> Over in Chicago, Dellucci RBI hit. 8-4. Could the Indians pull a Gladiators and make a comeback win? There’s a better chance of Seal and Graig becoming lovers than that.

> Just read on the bottom line, Baron Davis opts out of contract. Make a move Cleveland. Although I think Cleveland had a better chance of putting together a package w/ Andy, if Baron returend, than they do of getting him now. Although a sign-and-trade is still possible but not likely. (Why go after James Posey? I don’t really like the guy but he’s turning into a Robert Horry-like player; A great role player who wins championships. He’s got two rings the last two years.)

> Orlando just scored. Now they are going for two but not sure why. The QB and coach are arguing why not go for one. This is great. I love hearing arguments between players and coaches. The coach (Gruden) won’t give into going for one. They go for two and miss.  Cleveland 69-66.

> Now we’ll see if there is an onside kick in the AFL.

> Yes, there are onside kicks in the AFL. Cleveland recovers. Game over. The Orlando QB looks like he is going to cry. Awesome.

> Kind of a fun rule. There are no kneel downs in the AFL. If you don’t gain positive yards, the clock stops.

> Game finally over and Bernie celebrate by kissing a young girl in the stands. AFL Playoff fever. Catch it.

> Indians lose 9-7. Cleveland baseball in 2008 fever; “It’s like 1988 all over again.” Catch it.

 

Fratello

All this in under 10 seconds

Tyson Gay ran 100 meters in 9.68 seconds yesterday. That would be a world record but because of such a strong tailwind, it will not qualify for the record books. Kind of strange but not as strange as the headline “Hooker wins 100-meter qualifier in 10.76 seconds.” Te he he. That’s funny. Even more funny that it’s in the women’s race. Even funnier knowing the names of fastest American woman and man. I really would want to see this headline, “Gay, Hooker win qualifier.” 

But the story here is Gay running the 100 meter in 9.68. That is pretty darn impressive but it got me thinking of things I could do in under 10 seconds.

> Score more runs than the Cleveland Indians.

> Make several typos that force my readers to re-read the sentence twice, maybe three times.

> Last longer in Wimbledon than most American men.

> Get a man to feel so bad  about taking a ball from a little kid that he gives it to the kids. (At the Tribe game Saturday I sat in the bleachers. Grady Sizemore always throws a ball in to the stands between innings. The one in the fifth inning was about 20 feet to my left and caught be a guy one row behind us. Some little fat kids was also trying to catch it and reached over the kid to get it. Every cheered for him until I started booing him and say how mean it was to take it from the little kid. The kid looked like he was going to cry until the guy have him the ball. Then the kid was the happiest a little fat kid has been with something that didn’t involve food. I’m kind of like a super hero, aren’t I?)

> Regret going to Wednesday’s and Saturday’s Indians game. (In the three games I’ve been to this year, the Indians have scored a grand total of two runs.)

> In half the time, realize it’ a bad idea to give Gilbert Arenas a six-year, $124 million deal.

> Brush my teeth.

> Get so annoyed with my co-workers that I walk out of the office in their mid-sentence.

> Check the J Beanie website for new comments… twice.

> Become a big Cleveland Gladiators fans as they play in the playoffs tonight.

> Probably, change the channel from the Gladiators game because as much as I love football, it’s still Arena football.

> Take a poo.

> Realize that you should just pay the $10 and have Lowe’s put the grill together for you instead of having 5 guys try to put it together.

> Pretend to care that Spain won the Euro Cup before laughing and saying “come on, it’s soccer.”

> This isn’t dealing with 10 seconds but I thought it was funny. A man was cited for misdemeanor drug abuse after he was found in possession of suspected marijuana at Cleveland Hopkins Airport. The man’s name: Derrick Martin. And he had the same date of birth as the Derrick Martin of the Baltimore Ravens. Ravens’ Martin denies in was in Cleveland. The other Martin insists he is the Ravens player (may not be true, but that’s what I would do.)

> Get through a line or two of W’s comments before not  caring what he has to say anymore.

> Run 10 meters.

 

 

Fratello

We got 6 right in the NBA Draft

As poorly as the J Beanie mock draft went, we did get the first five picks right. That’s pretty special. And then Graig got a Portland taking Brandon Rush even though he was traded we count it. Six picks. That’s more right than I thought we’d get. Good work team.

Before we get to the Cavs pick, I want to share some of my favorite moments from the draft. Surprisingly, most of the deal with the Lopez twins.

I loved Brook crying after not being taken No. 9. 

I loved Brook being mic-ed up and saying “this is boring” and putting his head down like a 4-year old and asking “who’s the coach of the Nets?”

I loved how Brook sounds like Super Dave Osborne. (I was really hoping he would say “why would you do that Larry?”)

I loved Robin Lopez trying to put his hat on. 

I loved how much Mama Lopez looks like her boys. They have her to thank for that nose.

I loved the crowd booing the Italian Danilo Gallinari and continuing to boo during his interview.

I loved how for both questions asked to Gallinari, he said the same thing; a version of “I want to win” and “I play hard.” He didn’t know any other phrases.

But Gallinari fit in since everyone drafted said the those two lines or “I’ll do whatever the team wants me to do.”

Rosenberg had a good point. He was hoping the white guys drafted would be interviewed by a white guy.

I loved on on just about every pick, ESPN guys would never say who they thought the team would take. One guy would say they need a big, one would say a guard and one would say it’s a toss up. Great analysis guys. Thanks.

 

OK, on to the Cavs pick. When it was their time to pick, I was with readers/commenters Frank and Rosenberg plus another buddy. With Kosta Koufos and Darrell Arthur and Mario Chalmers on the board, we were thinking it would be one of them. We all agreed we didn’t want Koufos but we were prepared to hear those words that would cut through us like finger nails on a chalk board. We wanted one of the Jayhawks. When David Stern went to the podium and said “J.J. Hickson” there was silence in the room of four. We just kind of looked at each other, not knowing what to say. 

That says it all about the pick. While I think they should have gone with Arthur or Chamlers, I can’t say the Hickson pick is bad… yet. I know nothing about him so how can I judge? I never even heard of him until I read an SI.com draft preview and the guy had the Cavs taking Hickson. I guess he has talent but is at least two years away. The silence in our room I’m sure was felt by all Cavs fans. We don’t know what to expect so we can’t be mad or happy; just OK with it, I guess. Silence says it all.

Sorry, that’s all I feel like writing. I’m too anxious for the weekend to start. Going to a wedding tonight with old college friends then (don’t know why I’m excited about this) going to the Indians-Reds game tomorrow and a bocce ball tournament on Sunday. Just wanting 3:00 to get here so I can be on the way to the wedding. In the mean time, what were you favorite parts of the draft?

 

 

Fratello

Inactive NBA Draft - Day 2

OK, we are back for Day 2 of J Beanie’s Special Interactive NBA Draft. Hope everyone is back to join me. Here’s where we stand.

1. Bulls - Derrick Rose

2. Heat - Michael Beasley

3. T’wolves - OJ Mayo

4. Sonics - Russell Westbrook

5. Grizzlies - Kevin Love

6. Knicks - Jerryd Bayless

7. Clippers - DJ Augstin

8. Bucks - Eric Gordon

9. Bobcats - Brook Lopez

10. Nets - Joe Alexander

11. Pacers - Mario Chalmers

12. Kings - Danilo Gallinari

13. Blazers - Brandon Rush

14. Warriors - Anthony Randolph

15. Suns - Kosta Koufos

16. 76ers - Marreese Speights

17. Raptors - Robin Lopez

18. Wizards - Donte Green

Leading off today is W for the Cavs. Let’s get it rolling. During the day, I’ll be telling tales of Rosenberg and mine’s trip to the Indians game last night. Let’s just say we had great seats and we were still bored.

OK, W. Who do the Cavs take? I kind of what to know everyone’s opinion on this pick but the final answer will come from W.

For a reminder, here’s the rest of the draft order and who is making what picks.

19. Cleveland Cavaliers (Womble. Damn you Womble getting the best pick.)

20. Denver Nuggets (Wes)

21. New Jersey Nets (GFB)

22. Orlando Magic (Beanie)

23. Utah Jazz (Graig)

24. Seattle SuperSonics (Damman)

25. Houston Rockets (Rosie)

26. San Antonio (Womble)

27. Portland TrailBlazers (Wes)

28. Memphis Grizzlies (GFB)

29. Detroit Pistons (Beanie)

30. Boston Celtics (Graig)

A J Beanie Special - an interactive NBA draft

OK, it’s time for the NBA Draft special interactive edition of J Beanie. Hopefully everyone will check the site frequently so we don’t have a big hold up in-between picks. Not sure how this will work but it should be fun. Make your selection and any comments about the pick, the player, the team or whatever. Your final pick should be who you think they’ll will take, not who they should take or what you want them to do. If you don’t know anything, (GFB I’m looking at you) take a look at a few mock drafts on ESPN and SI.com and then make your pick. 

The order of picking will go Beanie, Graig, Damman, Rosie, Womble (reluctantly, I really wanted to leave him out), Wes and GFB. Here is the order of picks by NBA team with who will be making their pick next to them. The Blazers traded for the 27th pick so that is in this list.

 

1. Chicago Bulls (Beanie)

2. Miami Heat (Graig)

3. Minnesota Timberwolves (Damman)

4. Seatle SuperSonics (Rosie)

5. Memphis Grizzlies (Womble)

6. NY Knicks (Wes)

7. LA Clippers (GFB)

8. Milwaukee Bucks (Beanie)

9. Charlotte Bobcats (Graig)

10. New Jersey Nets (Damman)

11. Indiana Pacers (Rosie)

12. Sacramento Kings (Womble)

13. Portland TrailBlazers (Wes)

14. Golden State Warriors (GFB)

15. Phoenix Suns (Beanie)

16. Philadelphia 76ers (Graig)

17. Toronta Raptors (Damman)

18. Washington Wizards (Rosie)

19. Cleveland Cavaliers (Womble. Damn you Womble getting the best pick.)

20. Denver Nuggets (Wes)

21. New Jersey Nets (GFB)

22. Orlando Magic (Beanie)

23. Utah Jazz (Graig)

24. Seattle SuperSonics (Damman)

25. Houston Rockets (Rosie)

26. San Antonio (Womble)

27. Portland TrailBlazers (Wes)

28. Memphis Grizzlies (GFB)

29. Detroit Pistons (Beanie)

30. Boston Celtics (Graig)

 

Oh, the trivia answer from yesterday, there are 14 WNBA Teams. Can you believe that!?!?! Fourteen! 

(I’ll be back in 10 minutes to make the first pick. I probably didn’t even need to type that since I’m sure I’ll make the pick before anyone reads this.)

Enjoy and good luck. Let’s have some fun and see who can get the most picks right.

 

 

Fratello

Mock NBA Draft suggestions?

This really isn’t a post but I wanted to get everyone’s opinions, commitments. The NBA Draft is coming up on Thursday (surprisingly the Cavs have a pick they haven’t traded away from some European pansy). I wanted to do something “interactive” for it so I was thinking we could all take turns making the picks for whatever team. It would start with me making the selection for the Bulls and then say Graig makes the second pick, Seal the third, Rosie four, GFB five… etc. The order can be determined by who commits to doing it. In the comments, let me know if you are interested in/willing to participate in this. Hopefully we can get most/all of you to do it. It could be fun or it could suck. I wanted to do this tomorrow, but  can push it to thursday if thats better, so I’d like to know how many to expect. Thanks. Let me know.

“Dunk” This

Can we all agree that dunking in a WNBA is not news. In fact, nothing that happens in the WNBA is news. The WNBA itself is not news, unless it folds, my God how I hope it folds. A dunk is not news. The fact that Candace Parker was able to palm a mini basketball and put her hand on the rim while she made a lay-up is the biggest joke of news since… well since the last time someone “dunked” in a WNBA game. If you have to lead a news story like this “Candace Parker threw a down a dunk on one coast and picked up an honor on the other. Hours after becoming the second player to dunk in a WNBA game…” you know their stretching. Just saying Candace Parker, wasn’t going to suck in the readers but maybe if we remind everyone that she “dunked” they’ll keep reading the story. If you are relying on that as your attention grabber, you probably should just not write the story. 

(Quick trivia: How many teams are in the WNBA? Don’t cheat. Just guess.)

This got me thinking though, what other stories are out there in the sports world that don’t get the publicity like a “dunk” in a WNBA game but are more newsworthy? These are the stories within the story of a game that are more interesting, and better and bigger, than a “dunk” in the WNBA. 

 

… Taking a no-hitter in the second inning.

… Scoring 16 points in the first quarter of a NBA (real) basketball game

… A little leaguer hitting for the cycle 

… What Maria Sharapova is wearing at Wimbledon.

… Who was traded at the NHL deadline.

… Who was taken first in the MLS draft (if there even is one).

… ESPN over-playing (surprise) the Bulldogs verse Bulldogs in the College World Series.

… Making three tackles in an NFL game.

… A pitcher throwing three straight first pitch fast balls.

… A second baseman going 1-for-4 with a single.

… An AFL game with more than 50 points.

… The Super Bowl being on of the most watch TV shows of the year.

… Chris Berman giving a stupid nickname to a guy with the last name Holes.

… An interview wit the grounds crew guy who cut his finger ranking the infield between innings.

… Joe Buck saying no to  job.

… John Madden voting Brett Favre to the Hall of Fame.

… Asdruoibbelkbul Cabrera hitting over .400… in the minors (It’s good to see but come on, it’s still the minors. He was hitting less than he weighs in the majors.)

… Winning a first round match at any tennis tournament. While losing in the first round at Wimbledon is news, winning isn’t.

… A pro golfer driving the ball 330 yards.

… A relief pitching being called in for match-up purposes.

… A back-up quarterback warming up when the start gets hurt.

… This being my 327 post.

… GFB aging 15 years when he got a mini-van. 

All these are stories I’d rather read about than a “women” “dunking” during a “basketball game.” Go away WNBA.

 

 

Fratello

A few name changes

A couple super sweet professional athletes are hoping, looking, trying really, really hard, for name changes.

I had a panic attack yesterday morning when I was watching SportsCenter and the Sunday Conversation was with Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett. (First thing that bothered me, in the intro to the piece, they talked about KG, PP and Ray Allen but then they don’t talk to Ray Allen?) As my rules, I change the channel any time anything about the Celtics come on. My panic attack struck when I went to grab the remote and it wasn’t there. You know that feeling you get when you reach for you wallet in your back pocket and it’s not there? That’s what I felt when the trusty clicker wasn’t where it was suppose to be. I reached all over, nothing. I even got up, looked around, still nothing. Where the hell was it? My ears were starting to bleed. I was in full panic mood that I even got up off the couch and changed the channel on the box with my hand. When was the last time you did that? I had never been so happy to see someone fishing on boat then I was in that moment, thank you ESPN2.

Before I could get to the TV, I had heard the most annoying conversation my ears have ever been witness to. Think about high school girls arguing over who was wearing what color dress to a dance, or your grandparents arguing over who left the light on, and those were would be more pleasant than what I heard. I’d rather sit through an hour of 8-year olds breaking down why High School Musical is great or Steven A. Smith explain why blacks have it tougher in the NBA. If you watched any of the Sunday Conversation, you know what I’m talking about. Pierce and Garnett called each other a cute little nickname. A nickname more annoying than that couple who never call each other by their real names and go out of the way to call each other baby, sweetie or some made up nickname like loopisy, which no one understands. PP and KG were calling each other “Champ” like they didn’t know any other word.

“Hey Champ.”

“Hi Champ.”

“How’s it feel to be a champ, Champ.”

“Good, Champ. How’s it feel to you, Champ.”

“Champ.”

“Champ.”

“Champ.”

“Champ.”

Give me a freaking break. Grow up you annoying little bastards. Garnett actually made himself look more like ass then he did in his post game interview when he scream out the line from Titanic repeatedly and said he was “certified.” Really, Champ? You have to say champ that many times? You don’t think that made you look like an idiot? If there was any chance I’d ever root for PP, KG or the Celtics again (and there never was) it was gone right there. In the four seconds it took to get to my cable box, I heard the word champ no less than 8 times. It would make the Soap Box Derby kids embarrassed. I should explain that one. In high school, our basketball team volunteered at the Soap Box Derby finals at Derby Downs in Akron. We carried the cars for all the little kids to the garage to the starting line and where ever else the pushy parents asked us to. Everyone called these kids champ and we were told to do the same. No names, no buddy, no son, guy, man, cutie, sweetie or superhero. Only champ. “Here’s your car, Champ.” “Good luck, Champ.” “Go get ‘em, Champ.” And so on. If you didn’t say champ, look out. The parents wanted to kill you and thought you tampered with the car so their ‘champ’ would lose. It turned in to a game for us; How many times can you use the word champ in a sentence. For example, “Champ, here’s your champ car, Champ, and Champ, I wanted to say champ good luck to you Champ.” I felt this is what Pierce and Garnett were doing. They must have been thinking “If we say champ every other word, do you think Rachel Nichols will say anything?” She should have just pulled out a gun and shot them right there. How much longer do we have to put with the Celtics? 

 

The other guy looking for a name change, Pacman Jones. He doesn’t want to be Pacman any more. “There’s really just a lot of negativity behind it,” Jones said. “It’s just time for a change, man. I’m doing everything to make sure that I’m all right as a person, mentally and emotionally.” Yes, changing your name is really going to make you all right as a person. That’s your problem; the nickname. Not the late night strip club riots or posse that shoots guys or sexually harassing women. No, it’s the nickname. You know what, maybe, as I think about it, this will work. Pacman needs to clean up his act if he wants to play in the NFL and part of that is who he hangs around with. A lot of people want to hang out with a guy named Pacman. Anyone named Pacman has to be a fun, wild guy who loves to party, drink, do drugs, entertain and play old school video games. Maybe he’s just been trying to live up to the expectations. But a guy named Adam; there are no expectations. Except for maybe being a boring guy loves to read books over happy hour. No one wants to hang out with a guy named Adam. He’s boring. I, for one, will not agree to this name change. Long live Pacman.

 

 

Fratello